BEST BAR: U Bar
A mix of every type of guy, young to old, buff to not-so-buff. A no-’tude vibe. Efficient, friendly bartenders. A horseshoe layout that allows for eye contact everywhere. Is it any surprise this place has become the go-to default on Philly’s gay-bar hit parade? 1220 Locust St., 215-546-6660, ubarphilly.com.
HAPPY HOUR: Valanni
The place’s formal name is Valanni Social, and there’s a good reason for that: It hosts the finest happy hour in the ’hood, beginning every day at 4:30. Choose between five-dollar specialty cocktails and three-dollar Yuengling Lager; half-price tapas options, like spicy pulled chicken empanadas and crispy brussels sprouts, fill your belly for a perfect base for boozing. 1229 Spruce St., 215-790-9494, valanni.com.
DAY DRINKING: Knock
At Knock, the city’s greatest day drinkers—mature gay men—come out to play. When weather permits, grab a seat outside and order the Knock Mimosa from Jeb, made with Stoli O for an extra powerful punch. What you’ll lack in eye candy will be more than made up for in conversation with the city’s best barroom raconteurs. 225 S. 12th St., 215- 925-1166, knockphilly.com.
DANCE FLOOR: ICandy
There are plenty of options for dancing in the Gayborhood, but few spots give you room to do all the twirls, high-kicks and hair flips you practice every night in front of your full-length. (Oh, stop. We know you do.) With three levels of dance madness, you have all the space you need to let your inner Miley twerk it out. 254 S. 12th St., 267-324-3500, clubicandy.com.
KARAOKE: Tavern on Camac
If channeling Mariah is your joie de vivre, Tavern on Tuesday’s is your stage. Karaoke takes place on the upstairs dance floor, with favorite sexy bartender Kyle mixing five-buck vodka specials. As you wait to be called, hustle downstairs to the piano with Max to belt out a practice tune. 243 S. Camac St., 215-545-0900, tavernoncamac.com.