Dear Will and Kate,
We know you’ve already got a name picked out, and it’s probably 18 words long starting with something like Phillip or Albert or Victoria or Charlemagne. We get it, there’s protocol, but come on, it’s the 21st century. Your granny just approved gay marriage, for God’s sake. It would be totally cool if you chucked convention and got creative with your little prince or princess’s name.
We know you’re knicker deep in all your daily royal-ceremony stuff, so to help you get the creative juices flowing, we asked a handful of Philadelphia drag queens to offer some baby-name suggestions, because who knows more about witty names than a drag queen?
Below you’ll find all kinds of options — from little boy names to little girl names and some that are just plain trashy. Let us know which one you choose!
Dame G Philly
Regina King Middleton
Willandkate Pluseight (pounds)
Titties Rothchild Mcguillicutty
Royal Blue Ivy (to chap Beyoncé’s ass)
Latifah (in the event she were to ever become queen)
Sperm (Like North West, his full name would be Sperm Wales)
The Grand Empress Most High
Duchess of Earl Grey
Lead Secretary of Hats, Fascinators, and Other Cranial Accoutrement
Basterdnina Whorebaby of the House of Stretchedvag
Limey Fistuptheass of the House of Latex
Mongo Lloyd of the House of Chromosome
Miss Anita Bump
G PHILLY (because we couldn’t help ourselves)
Have some funny, gay suggestions you’d like to contribute? Drop names in the comment section email@example.com.