The Fruit Fly
I acknowledge that with a four year old and an eight month old I am legally dead socially, however my children are blessed with many wonderful gay aunties and uncles, all “Mames.” And once in awhile we like to meet up at gay-friendly hot spot in Center City. Lately, I have been hetero-stalking Knock where the outdoor seating and table service are ideal when you’re toting kids (and small pets). I have even found that a lot of the daddies at Knock are… actual daddies.
Overall, the uber-gay-friendly 13th Street corridor is a mecca for me and my Mames, especially El Vez, Sampan, Vintage and anything Marcie Turney and Valerie Safran-owned like Barbuzzo, Bindi and Lolita.
A tip for the gays: Your breeder friends also appreciate excellent food and abundant adult beverages. But breeders, before you pack up your pricy stroller and hit the Gayborhood loudly and proudly, please take a moment to reflect on these tips for avoiding the breeder side-eye.
Dress to impress: Everyone loves a well-groomed child, nèe family, so work it with a fierce ensemble and a smile.
Shhh…: Keep volume low unless your child has witticisms and pop culture in their arsenal. For example, naming their My Little Pony “Lee Meriweather” or randomly saying “Lady Gaga” both score points, but use judiciously as even the most sparkling members of the crowd will lose interest.
Toys: Want to bend your elbow unhindered? Get people to hold your mini-me by bringing toys that reflect the crowd: Play-Doh, sketchpads and crayons for creatives; cars and dinosaurs for the butch; strange children’s books and temporary tattoos for emo pals.
Gifts: In the form of buying a round. Who doesn’t feel magnanimous while holding a free drink (even if they have to hold your child)?
Common sense: Girl please, obviously the Bike Stop and Stir don’t have Toddler Night, so stay away.
Do you have any suggestions for establishments where breeder shut-ins can visit with their gay friends? Any tips for straights who show up at your favorite gay bar? Please share your comments.
Jennifer Lea Cohan is professionally shallow, a lifestyle publicist focused on food and hospitality, design and events. She comes to Philadelphia by way of California (self-declared nuclear-free zone Santa Cruz) and New York, and resides in Center City with her husband and two children.
