MyPlate Replaces Food Pyramid, We Replace MyPlate

Months of work. $2 million dollars. 4,500 focus group participants. The loving attention of Tom Vilsack, the Department of Agriculture, Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity task force and Surgeon General Regina Benjamin. And this is what we get to replace the food pyramid? A circle divided four ways?

Jesus…

As mentioned a couple days ago, the Obama administration has decided to cast down the two-decades-old food pyramid in favor of a simpler, easier-to-understand graph called “MyPlate.” It was supposed to alleviate the confusion and controversy that has (apparently) dogged the classic pyramid since its inception, and present to all and sundry a clear message on how they are supposed to eat in order to not become the sorts of land whales who always seem to end up as a graphic on the nightly news whenever they want to do a story on obesity in America.

Meanwhile, without the help of Tom Vilsack, the Department of Agriculture, the Surgeon General, Michelle Obama, focus groups or any kind of research whatsoever, I was busy putting together my own new chart. A Philadelphia MyPlate, as it were. It took me about an hour. Cost me five bucks (I was having a beer at the Continental when I thought of the idea). And while mine may not offer any suggestions on how to live healthier (because seriously, in this day and age who needs a pie chart to tell them to eat a fucking vegetable every once in a while?), I think it presents a more reasonable view of the eating habits of most Philadelphians.

Okay, so it’s not as pretty as the one made by the federal government, but just as soon as they send me $2 million dollars, I promise to have one of the interns in the art department make it really nice-looking.

Oh, and don’t think I forgot about that glass of milk up there at the top. Again, Philly’s version…

And then, since I was already making charts, I decided that one more couldn’t hurt. This, then, represents not the ideal, but the reality of eating in Philadelphia–eschewing food groups in favor of specific things consumed.

Nice, right? By this point I’d actually figured out how to use the elementary school pie chart generator I found online…

So anyway, these are my regionally-specific offerings. Should Mr. Vilsack or anyone from the Dept. of Agriculture, the USDA or the anti-obesity task force care to use them, I promise that my asking price will be quite reasonable. And if any of you out there in Hotcakesland think you’ve got something that should be added to (or taken away from) the above chart(s), just leave a note in the comments.

I’ll be sure to tell the First Lady all about it when she calls.

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  • Fescert

    because seriously, in this day and age who needs a pie chart to tell them to eat a fucking vegetable every once in a while?

    Lower class, lower income families. It’s a very big problem, actually, hence the push for a new paradigm.

    But, you know, LOL CHEESESTEAKS.

  • BeerMan

    Or, just hurl that entire plate of colored blobs at your wife and tell her to fetch your scotch. What, is she trying to poison you?

  • Buckethead

    “And then, since I was already making charts, I decided that one more couldn’t hurt. ”

    Wrong!

  • Christian

    Are potatoes vegetables as so many believe? If so, I can fill the Obamaplate with a McD’s value meal provided I substitute for the Strawberry milkshake. Right?

  • Hamburglar

    Myplate has really refined my approach to using the fixins bar at Roy Rogers at PA turnpike rest stops.

  • Melissa

    I appreciate your introducing the new guidelines and also the comments on your post. I think if you dont realize from your own mock plate that the average person doesn’t have a balanced diet, then you should take a walk around the city and see what people think about eating vegetables. I do find your charts humorous, but hope that people see the humor and not take them as acceptable.