One Local Dive Bar Doesn’t Want Your Shenanigans

Received this afternoon from one of our favorite dives from one of our favorite no-B.S. bartenders:

From: kEVIN jAMES hOLLAND
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 1:55 PM
To: fiumebar@gmail.com
Subject: Announcement

Dear friends and patrons of fIUME,

Between St. Patty’s, Mardi Gras & Spring Break, there’s been some less than savory celebration in and about Philadelphia.  Gladly, fIUME has played host to virtually none of it.  But as of now, anyone who looks like they’ve been drinking on Bourbon Street for the last 10 hours will not be admitted.  It’s not that kind of party here.

I cannot stress enough that it is certain behavior and not certain people that I am addressing.  Feel free to come.  Feel free to wear green.  Feel free to be Irish.  You can even party.  You are most welcome.  But rowdy or over-large behavior is not well suited for fIUME.

In short I am promising you that there is a bar which will be absent of chanting, monosyllabic unison bellowing, experiments in disrobing, and excessive cheering which lacks an identifiable impetus.  It is a veritable safe-haven from such celebrations.

If you feel marginalized by this micro-decree, please contact me at fiumebar@gmail.com and I will be happy to further explain.

Cordially,

Kevin

  • Willie

    A-freakin’-MEN!!! Kudos to you, sir. Well played.

  • Snake

    Does he frequently send these emails? Who gets them?

    When I went I felt like maybe he had sent a similar email that day discouraging people who had showered in the past 24 hours from coming in.

  • Kevin

    @ Snake-
    perhaps you came in the past few weeks, when west philly runners club has met on wednesdays. they kinda stink, but i’m workin on that. if not, perhaps you visited in 1999. it surely was a smelly affair back then, but i think i got the stink out a couple years ago. come lemme know if i’m right! your input & your sense of humor are duly appreciated.

    yours,

    kJH

  • Kevin

    ps- photo by Kyrsten Mahoney

  • Snake

    @ Kevin

    Your sense of humor is as well. While my bar hopping days have been and will be slightly hamstrung by the pending arrival of a child, I’ll get back out as soon as I can.

  • brillhallowell

    How many “dive” bars have online accounts?

    Can you buy coke or heroin at this “dive” bar?

    How often are passed out people allowed to remain comatose on the counter top of this “dive” bar?

    Will somebody try to fight you at this “dive” bar because you didn’t attend the local parochial grade school?

  • brillhallowell

    Look, I’m just sayin’, FIUME seems like a nice, unpretentious, not-collared-shirt place.

    But that doesn’t make it a “dive.”

  • Snake

    Brilla, I use “dive” more as a term of endearment for inexpensive Philly bars not crowded by yuppies. The Vous, Oscars, Locust Bar, Franks. I put the places you describe in a whole different category, the sketchy neighborhood corner bar. I agree, there is no meth for sale at fiume.