Apologies for the uncharacteristically succinct Weekender, but my third home in Chesapeake calls. Here are some things worth doing.

R&B
Hometown heroine Jill Scott saunters up North Broad to tell us a thing or two at the Liacouras Center. With Musiq Soulchild. Friday; 8 p.m. $46 to $66.

BOOZE
Philly Beer Week swerves into town, offering no shortage of events all over the city for lovers of the suds. Times and prices vary.

DANCE
Koresh Dance Company moves into their new home on Broad at the Suzanne Roberts Theatre with two world premieres Friday through Sunday; times vary. $25 to $30. If you need something a bit less sexy, try the Pennsylvania Ballet’s Messiah — yes, as in the “Hallelujah Chorus” — at the Academy. Friday through Sunday; times vary. $22 to $124.

ROCK
So you think that instrumental music tends to lack energy? Veteran West Philly freakout-ers Stinking Lizaveta will convince you otherwise at Johnny Brenda’s. Don’t worry, they sell earplugs at the bar. Friday; 10 p.m. $8.

COMEDY
Helium Comedy Club brings in Robert Kelly — you’ll recognize him from HBO’s Tourgasm and his occasional Law & Order appearances — for a few laughs. Friday and Saturday; times vary. $20 to $24. And for the set not quite ready for dirty jokes, they’ve got local tot comedian The Great Holtzie, who describes himself as the “Anti Mr. Rogers.” Saturday; 3 p.m. $10.

ART
Is the whole First Friday strolling around thing too tiring or heady for you? The WMGK Classic Rock Art Show — featuring posters, photos and album art from your favorite bands — won’t tax your brain or body much at all. Promise. At the Shops at Liberty Place through March 22nd.

Yesterday, when I asked a friend what he was doing this weekend, he responded, “There’s really not much going on.” Silly, silly fool … Enjoy.

Girls that have, indeed, gone wild … With sports teams like ours, it’s imperative to have at least one we can root for right now, a team in whom we can rest all our hopes for victory and vindication. To this end, I give you The Philly Roller Girls, wheeled women of every shape and size, with lots of tattoos and attitude, who seek to annihilate everything in their path. On Saturday in Feasterville, our Philthy Britches take on the lovely gals from Baltimore (an obvious joke … have you ever seen Baltimore girls?). If you’ve never been to one of these modernized roller derby matches, they’re a hoot. Totally kid-appropriate if you have a swearing household and don’t have a problem with them seeing a few bruised thighs and trunk-flashes.

Not that kind of g-string … Me, I’m a pianist, so I kind of hate guitar players, simply because they’re always louder and more lusted after than keyboard players. Of course, Eddie Van Halen solved this problem by playing both instruments, but I digress. This weekend, fans of the six-string have Grammy-winner and spaced-out jazz guitarist Bill Frisell (playing with Jamaaladeen Tacuma, a Philly bass force to be reckoned with) at Rutgers, those sickeningly talented (well, most of them) students of the Paul Green School of Rock at the Troc, and, for those of you who like your guitar as loud and distorted as possible, Marilyn Manson eviscerates the Factory. But don’t worry, you’re safe — that one’s diabolically sold out.

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