Special Correspondent Brian James Kirk plans your weekend so you don’t have to …

Sweaters and swearing … Two generations of black comedy will be in town and there’s a reason both gigs are almost sold out: these are two of the pioneers. Bill Cosby performs two shows at the State Theatre in New Jersey on Sunday. Try for the evening show (your parents already bought out the afternoon edition) and hope that he’s doing more joke-telling than lesson-giving. If your dad’s comedy doesn’t float your boat, save seats for Chris Rock’s three-day Philly run next week. Expect the Academy of Music to get a pretty severe F-bombing.

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THE BENEFITS OF THE THEATER
Ah, Monday. For us, it’s back to work. But for the theater world, it’s a day off, which is why not one but two local troupes are holding their annual benefits this evening, and the events couldn’t be more different. InterAct, celebrating its 20-year anniversary, is going the gala route at the Annenberg, with a dessert and wine reception, a jazz quartet, an hour-and-a-half long (ugh) retrospective of the group, and a $60 price tag (well, $25 if you’re a card-carrying starving artist). Meanwhile, and ever so slightly on the more fun and $20 ($15 student) end of the spectrum, is 11th Hour’s PBR-crowd-worthy Philly Rocks party at the Prince, with Quizzo followed by a concert where local actors (from 11th Hour and elsewhere) transform into shriek-yielding hair rockers.

CLASSICAL MUSIC
See the future of classical music tonight at the Kimmel as the Curtis Symphony Orchestra, with guest conductor and New York Philharmonic/Royal Stockholm Philharmonic/Hamburg Symphony’s Alan Gilbert (pictured, and who seems to be spending a lot of time in Philly these days), as they tackle Beethoven, Barber, and Nielsen. Tickets $5 to $36.

VEG
The wind chill is lower than Hurricane’s virility now that Bolaris is back in town. Speaking of low virility, there’s always your couch, hot toddies, and the live Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on USA.