You wanted your freakin’ summer, and now you’ve got it. Here are five ways to kick the next three sweltering months off right …

• The more or less official Summer Solstice celebration — at least that’s the name of it — is at the Kimmel Center (pictured, in case you haven’t left that Chesco compound in a very, very long time) starting at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Fifteen hours of everything from classical music to a drag show to face painting to Guitar Hero to a storytelling competition hosted by Yours Truly at 10 p.m. in the Rendell Room. (I’ll be booking over from the 6 p.m. cabaret I am performing in at L’Etage, so don’t expect me to be too charming.) If you decide to pull the all-nighter, make sure you bring a hand drum for the drum circle at dawn, not to mention a little Visine. The whole night will cost you a mere $10, which works out to 67 cents per hour, leaving plenty of money left over for a greasy 7 a.m. diner breakfast at the Midtown on Sunday.

• Always a favorite of mine, the 5th Annual West Oak Lane Jazz & Arts Festival starts today and runs through Sunday. It’s called a jazz festival, but with heavy-hitting R&B acts like the O’Jays (People all over the world, join hands …), WAR (Cisco Kid was a friend of mi-ine …), Ashford & Simpson (And now it’s solid, solid as a rock …), and Mandrill (oh, I have no idea) headlining, they might want to rethink the title. There are a ton of other performers, and most shows, including all of the aforementioned ones, are free.

• For the kids (not the actual kids, but the “kids”), there’s the 2nd Annual Popped! Music Festival, taking place at the Trocadero, World Cafe Live, and outdoors at Drexel (33rd and Market). You’ll want to be a part of it if any of the following names mean anything to you: Gogol Bordello, Vampire Weekend, Daniel Johnston, the Capitol Years, Slick Rick, and Mates of State. If these don’t ring a bell, I suggest you hop on iTunes and update the old iPod. Post-haste.

• This doesn’t really have a lick to do with summer, but go see Souvenir at the Wilma, starring Delco native and Tony nominee Ann Crumb (daughter of avant garde composer George Crumb). It’s actually Media Theatre’s production of the show, which I saw there some months ago, and it was fantastic. Souvenir tells the story of Florence Foster Jenkins, a Wilkes-Barre native who, in the early 20th century, decided she wanted to be an opera singer. Problem was, she couldn’t hold a note. Unfortunately for her friends and the rest of the world, she was very wealthy. Wealthy enough to record albums, get herself center stage at Carnegie Hall, and become famous. It’s a both hilarious and heartbreaking tale, and it’s around for only two weeks.

• And finally, we may not have scored the 2012 Olympics, but we do have the U.S. Gymnastics Olympic Team Trials at the Wachovia Center all weekend. Check out our Q&A with Beijing-hopeful and Camden native Sean Golden.

Don’t worry. Mélange Theatre’s cabarets are much more entertaining than their positively scary website. Snippiness aside, tonight’s event at L’Etage is truly a variety show, with Dietrich-inspired singer/saw player Nicki Jaine (pictured; her good looks alone are enough of a reason to head out), flamenco dancers, didgeridoo and, of course, a few show tunes for good measure. 8 p.m.; $10.

I guess some people do have a bit of disposable income … Not so long ago, the idea of driving to Atlantic City for a concert not featuring an almost-dead person was absurd. But tonight alone you’ve got Carrie Underwood/Keith Urban at Boardwalk Hall and Alanis/Matchbox Twenty at the Borgata, both of which are utterly sold out, though your friendly neighborhood scalper is surely well-stocked. Should you prefer to see the almost-dead, the the Commodores are at Trump Plaza. Well, actually, it’s the Commodores without Lionel Richie,, so I’m not sure what you call that, other than totally not worth the $50 ticket price.

Won’t this false holiday ever end? … It’s possible that you, like a lot of people, don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day because you know that’s for suckers. So I asked Philly Mag super-intern Andrea Carayiannas (we just call her “Andrea”) to come up with some Valentine-specific suggestions for the sensibly belated among you, and here’s her short list: Hunky New York jazz vocalist Jack Donahue on unrequited love at the Art Museum’s Valentine’s Cabaret; nudity and adult situations abound in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Aspects of Love at Plays & Players; and, uh, for the “knotty couple,” as Andrea puts it, adult-oriented Passional Boutique in Queen Village offers a two-hour “Bound for Pleasure” workshop. Hey, we don’t make the news, we just report it.

Wait a second — it’s not First Friday … In case you feel completely disconnected from the city’s visual art scene, you might want to check out Art Glut, featuring nearly 50 Philly artists. It’s not at PAFA. It’s not at the PMA. It’s not in Old City. It is, of all things, in the South Philly rowhome (aka My House Gallery) of UArts grad Alex Gartelmann. Really. There’s not even a website. Friday 5:30 to 8:30 p.m, Saturday and Sunday 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.; 2534 South 8th Street; 908-370-1656.