In honor of Opening Day — the Phils are just getting started against the Nationals as I type — we offer Matthew Teague’s surprising profile of Phillies manager Charlie Manuel. For three years, the media and fans have hammered Manuel for being a bumbling, stumbling idiot. Funny — his players think he’s brilliant.

Sunrise was still an hour away, so Charlie Manuel flipped on a series of humming lights. A world of wire and net sprang into existence.

“Awright, awright,” he said in his Appalachian accent. “You, um, you ready for this? Yeah. Awright. Are you sure?”

Yes, I’m ready for this, I thought. I’ve known how to do this since I was three.

Manuel dragged a bucket of balls to the middle of the batting cage, an insultingly short distance from the plate. Beyond the cage lay nothing but silence and blackness; we might as well have stood in outer space. “I’m just gonna throw you a few real soft ones, at first,” he said.

For heaven’s sake. I’m an American.

“Awright,” he said. “Here it comes.” He dipped his hand into the bucket and began the pitch, and I was immediately distracted by two elements of his windup.

First, he was doing it underhand. When a major-league baseball manager offers you a hitting lesson and then proceeds in a style familiar to little girls everywhere, it’s a clear sign of low expectation. Second, his face drew into a rictus of expression, lips pulled up and away from his teeth. He was smiling. Such joy is an almost unrecognizable feature on a big-league manager.

Read the rest of Matthew Teague’s “Inside the Mind of a … Genuis?”

PHOTO: Bob Croslin, from the April 2008 issue of Philadelphia magazine

When rumors of the Phillies’ signing free agent pitcher Kris Benson were in the early, long-shot stage last December, the fascination with his wife Anna began immediately. Peter Mucha went first, with his “Pitcher eyed by Phillies has wild wife” story. As soon as the Benson signing was imminent, more stories came, most of which centered around Anna, her penchant for posing in a bikini, her brazen sexuality, and the infamous interview with Howard Stern in which she stated that if she caught her husband cheating, she would have sex with every one of his teammates.

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The dream of a breast-heavy Phillies pitching rotation officially died yesterday when the team axed Rule 5 journeyman Travis Blackley, leaving only 11 healthy arms (yes, counting Adam Eaton) for the start of opening day. The dismissal of Blackley also means his wife, model/chest exposer Arynne Tiller Blackley, will no longer be affiliated with the team, leaving only Anna Benson (center) and Heidi Strobel to stoke the smoky embers of dirtball fantasies about a Phillies Wives charity function involving high-pressure water pistols, white T-shirts and a mud pit. (This is bad news for money-strapped charity organizations as well. Tough loss, ALS.)

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Bad news from Clearwater: Phillies closer Brad Lidge is apparently not coming along as quickly as one would’ve hoped this spring and has ended up on the disabled list. The Daily News’s David Murphy broke the story and got this quote from an obviously disappointed Lidge, who seems a little annoyed at the organization:

“That’s obviously their decision, but at the same time I feel like if I’m not ready for Opening Day, [next Monday] I’ll be ready, with the day off, maybe the next day. At this point, my biggest thing is that everything feels OK. I just need to start getting some arm strength and getting sharper.”

So for now we’re back to Tom Gordon’s awkward tossing and hat placement for probably a couple of weeks.

Why was this news ignored by Scott Palmer at this afternoon’s “Paint the Town Red” ceremony? This would seem to be the type of news to fire up the crowd.

Phillies put Lidge on disabled list [DN]

With his years of cornrows, walking-up-to-the-plate music, and new “Bay Sluggas Inc” record label, Jimmy Rollins is the only hip-hop representation currently playing on the Phillies. (Apologies to Cole Hamels.)

But where did his love for hip-hop come from?

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The HBO series Real Sports — on which Bryant Gumbel scribbles obsessively on legal pads while asking questions — has investigated one of the sporting universe’s great unsolved mysteries: How did Lenny Dykstra become a financial genius?

HBO’s Bernard Goldberg probed one of Dykstra’s buddies, Mad Money expert and ex-Vet Stadium hot-dog boy Jim Cramer, for some answers:

Cramer: “If I didn’t know any better, I would tell you that everything you hear from Lenny is an act. Because there’s no way that he would ever, that you would ever feel like he’s as smart as he really is, if you listen to him. Now, there are probably four or five people in the world who, if they sent me an e-mail, told me to learn a stock, I would actually take them seriously.”
 
Goldberg: “And he’s one of them?”
 
Cramer: “He’s one of them. He’s one of them. … I think people don’t think of Lenny as sophisticated. But I am telling you, Bernie, that not only is he sophisticated, but he’s one of the great ones in this business. He’s one of the great ones.”
 
Goldberg: “Lenny Dykstra.”
 
Cramer: “Lenny Dykstra. Lenny Dykstra.”

After coverage like this, Roger Clemens should probably give Dykstra’s publicist a call.

Lenny Dykstra transforming himself into investment adviser [Inquirer]
Don’t Read This: Just Give Me Your Money Instead [The700Level]

Phillies starting pitcher Cole Hamels may deserve a raise, but he’s in dire need of an attitude adjustment. Once again the 24-year-old pitcher has dropped an inappropriate sound byte in front of the press, responding with befuddled bitchiness to the Phillies’ lowball salary offer of $500,000.

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Throughout spring training this year, Phillies centerfielder Shane Victorino has graciously volunteered to provide weekly dispatches about his thoughts on various topics and, most important, keep the fans updated on the Phils’ progress.

Victorino, popular on the field and in the clubhouse for his gregarious nature and hustle, comes into this season as much more than just a novelty role-player nicknamed the “Flying Hawaiian” — this year he becomes a vital component in the team’s quest to get back to the playoffs. Last week, Shane attempted to answer our questions even though he was completely distracted by playing miniature golf with two teammates. This week, he completely flaked on our scheduled interview time again, because he was eating. He must be still on Hawaiian time.

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If all goes according to plan, the Philadelphia Phillies could have the most formidable players’ wives section in all of baseball. The staff itself might be lackluster, but the wives? Stellar.

Those are the hopes and dreams of many an ogling fan this spring based on yesterday’s masterful pitching performance by Rule 5 draft attendee Travis Blackley. The ex-Giant pitched three scoreless innings, striking out two and picking off one, as the Phillies opened up Grapefruit League action by shellacking the Cincinnati Reds 8-1.

More important, if Blackley continues to pitch like this, the Phillies will have no choice but to sign him, which would mean his buxom, clothes-shedding wife, Arynne Tiller Blackley (top left; modesty courtesy of Larry Platt egg heads), will help twirl cotton candy at Phillies Wives’ charity events with the likes of Cole Hamels’s wife, Survivor temptress Heidi Strobel (right), and headline-grabbing strumpet Anna Benson this season.

Goosebumps … in your pants.

Phil’s Blackley warms to the occasion [Delaware Online]
Wedding of Arynne and Travis Blackley [YouTube]

Throughout spring training this year, Phillies centerfielder Shane Victorino has graciously volunteered to provide weekly dispatches about his thoughts on various topics and, most important, keep the fans updated on the Phils’ progress.

Victorino, popular on the field and in the clubhouse for his gregarious nature and hustle, comes into this season as much more than just a novelty role-player nicknamed the “Flying Hawaiian” — this year he becomes a vital component in the team’s quest to get back to the playoffs. This week, Shane attempts to answer our questions even though he’s completely distracted by playing miniature golf with two teammates.

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