In the 1958 Steve McQueen movie The Blob, a gelatinous object from outer space terrorized the Chester County countryside. This weekend, the tourist-hungry folks in Phoenixville host their annual BlobFest, complete with screenings of the film (and others, like The Creature From the Black Lagoon and The Tingler), scream and costume contests, and a re-enactment of the running-out scene from the Colonial Theatre. In honor of the 50th anniversary of this, um, classic, I decided to track down the real star of the film: the indescribable, indestructible, nothing-can-stop-it thing known simply as The Blob.

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COMBUSTIBLES … Last year, my son was around a year-and-a-half old for the Fourth of July, and I can’t tell you how many annoying family members kept telling me not to let the poor kid near sparklers. SPARKLERS, I tell you. Apparently, there was some horrific report on the freakin’ Today show. Needless to say, he got his sparklers. This year, I think we’re progressing to Roman candles. But if you would prefer, smartly, to leave it to the pros, there is no shortage. On Friday, look for the sky to light up above the Art Museum, after Philly boy John Legend does his “Neo-soul” thing, whatever that means. And on Saturday, we’ve got Boyz II Men on the Waterfront, followed by big booming fireworks over the Delaware. I’ve been hearing some complaints that the organizers this year have gone too “urban” with the music (and by that, they mean “too black”). What I would say is that, first of all, there’s nothing urban about John Legend or Boyz II Men. And on top of that, what do these complainers want? More Hall & Oates like last year? Puleeze! For a complete schedule of the Welcome America activities, go here.

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I suspect that I must have missed a memo, an e-mail, or some sort of notice regarding Yo-Yo Ma’s performance with the Philadelphia Orchestra when its summer season at the Mann Center started up on Monday: His name was at the top of every bill, and a full-length bio was included in the text of the program, but he was on stage for only one piece.

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With more than a dozen Grammys on his shelf, the world’s only legendary cellist, Yo-Yo Ma (known to his friends in China as Mǎ Yǒuyǒu) takes the stage at the Mann Center tonight, kicking off the too-short, picnic-perfect season of the Philadelphia Orchestra Under the Stars with selections from Stravinsky, Copland, Musorgsky, and Saint-Saëns. Great seats are still available, including up-close $94 orchestra spots, but personally I’d suggest going for the $10 lawn seats and bringing along a serviceable bottle of vino and a basket of delectables from Di Bruno Bros. Oh, and someone you love.

Yes, next weekend is a three-dayer, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t get out and make the most of this weekend. Here are seven ways to do it …

Hit A.C. … Sip a beachy cocktail by the pool at the Borgata’s brand new and ultraluxe Water Club. Be mesmerized at the new Kalin & Ginger magic show at Trump Marina (read my interview with illusionist Mark Kalin here). See the least attractive Beatle at the Taj. There’s also the cover-band festival Fake Fest at the Marina and the excessively altered Joan Rivers at Harrah’s.

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Kenny Gamble, the man who brought us “Back Stabbers” and “Expressway to Your Heart”, has teamed up with Patti LaBelle, the woman who taught us how to speak French with Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?, and the Temple University Symphony Orchestra and Choir to create a completely funkless, over-the-top patriotic song, “I Am an American.” Much more Sousa than O’Jays. As if that weren’t odd enough, the origin of the song is apparently somehow connected to Father Divine (the information out there simply says that Father Divine “adopted” the song … hmm). In any case, someone close to the project told me that the song is set to debut on the Parkway during the 4th of July festivities (it does have that fireworks sound), but, thanks to the all-knowing internet, you can preview it yourself by clicking here. Just be forewarned: It’s totally stuck in my head now, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

If you want to avoid the scalpers and Craigslist scams, consult this handy little guide to the shows soon to go on sale …

• Trippy discofunkateers Earth, Wind & Fire solider into Upper Darby’s Tower Theater on Tuesday, September 16th for a little “September,” “Boogie Wonderland” and “Fantasy.” Unlike a lot of “reunion” acts, EWF’s shows are tight, energetic and a whole lotta fun. $55 to $85. On sale Saturday at 10 a.m.

• If I were ruler of the world, impressionists would be banned. BANNED, I tell you. But I am not. So you are still free to enjoy the supposed funniness of Frank Caliendo, who heads to the Tower on Saturday, October 11th. $41.75. On sale Friday at 10 a.m.

• I have to be honest with you. I actually thought that Bob Newhart was dead. Not in the way that you might say that you thought Samantha Fox or Kato Kaelin was dead. Like, actually dead. Well, either I am wrong or they’re practicing some kind of voodoo out in Hershey, where Newhart or perhaps the Ghost of Newhart will do whatever it is that he or it does these days on Saturday, September 6th. $49.50 to $75. On sale Saturday at 10 a.m.

It’s true that Mark Kalin and Jinger Leigh don’t have the profile of magicians like Copperfield, David Blaine, or Penn & Teller, but within that inner circle of magic, they are actually hugely respected for their professionalism, talent, and dedication to the preservation of the art. Through August 17th, you can catch their Real Magic show at Trump Marina. I checked in with Kalin to discuss severing his wife’s finger, jealousy, and the potential death of magic.

Is your show at Trump a big, glitzy Vegas casino-style magic show?
We were in the casino market for many years. At the end of 2002, we had a gigantic show in Reno on one of the world’s largest stages. We made an American Airlines jumbo jet disappear. But our shows grew so big that we lost the connection with the audience. So we opened our own theater, 200 seats. And we went from this giant show with a jumbo jet and a cast of dancers, tigers, and leopards, and we got rid of all of those trappings and went for something that is a real theatrical experience.

So just how does one make a jumbo jet disappear?
[Laughs, as if he hasn’t heard this 38 million times] I guess I am supposed to come up with a witty answer to that … hmm …

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You wanted your freakin’ summer, and now you’ve got it. Here are five ways to kick the next three sweltering months off right …

• The more or less official Summer Solstice celebration — at least that’s the name of it — is at the Kimmel Center (pictured, in case you haven’t left that Chesco compound in a very, very long time) starting at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Fifteen hours of everything from classical music to a drag show to face painting to Guitar Hero to a storytelling competition hosted by Yours Truly at 10 p.m. in the Rendell Room. (I’ll be booking over from the 6 p.m. cabaret I am performing in at L’Etage, so don’t expect me to be too charming.) If you decide to pull the all-nighter, make sure you bring a hand drum for the drum circle at dawn, not to mention a little Visine. The whole night will cost you a mere $10, which works out to 67 cents per hour, leaving plenty of money left over for a greasy 7 a.m. diner breakfast at the Midtown on Sunday.

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If you want to avoid the scalpers and Craigslist scams, consult this handy guide to the shows soon to go on sale.

Break out the leather and peroxide, people, because British bad boy Billy Idol brings the rock to the House of Blues in A.C. on Saturday, August 23rd. I’ve got no idea what this punk has been up to since the days of “White Wedding” and “Rebel Yell,” but with stick-in-the-head songs like those, does anyone really care? $39.50 to $49.50.

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