With his years of cornrows, walking-up-to-the-plate music, and new “Bay Sluggas Inc” record label, Jimmy Rollins is the only hip-hop representation currently playing on the Phillies. (Apologies to Cole Hamels.)

But where did his love for hip-hop come from?

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The always snooping collar-poppers at Ivygate have unearthed a possible part-time professional sexer trolling amongst the deep-pocketed smart kids at Penn. Their evidence that the lady-for-hire is a Quaker comes from an ad on “exoticcourtesan.com” that proclaims “Eva is a new addition to the Philadelphia scene! A hot Italian spinner! She is currently a finance major at an Ivy League university.”

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The Inquirer’s Michael Klein broke earlier this afternoon that Dresher-born ESPN football lady Suzy Kolber plooped out a kid yesterday, but he avoids satisfying the most curious question about the new mini-Kolber: Who’s the dad?

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Although he’s best known for being the opportunistic rich guy who’s clothed the world in “Jesus Is My Homeboy” T-shirts, Urban Outfitters CEO Richard Hayne has another reputation in South Florida: water abuser.

Hayne’s property on Jupiter Island was flagged as one of the South Martin Regional Utility’s top-20 water users. The list has been released in the hopes of pestering rich folks to curb their unnecessary water usage (like daily hosing of their expansive acreage), which will hopefully prevent South Florida from looking like the Sudan in 20 years.

According to the utility’s calculations, Hayne used 254,360 gallons of water last month; the average South Florida resident uses 179 gallons per day. Luckily, Hayne is in good company: Other environmentally defiant Floridians include golfers Tiger Woods and Greg Norman, and Lehman Bros. CEO Richard Fuld, Jr.

Tiger Woods, Greg Norman among top water users of South Martin Utility [TCPalm]

 
If all goes according to plan, the Philadelphia Phillies could have the most formidable players’ wives section in all of baseball. The staff itself might be lackluster, but the wives? Stellar.

Those are the hopes and dreams of many an ogling fan this spring based on yesterday’s masterful pitching performance by Rule 5 draft attendee Travis Blackley. The ex-Giant pitched three scoreless innings, striking out two and picking off one, as the Phillies opened up Grapefruit League action by shellacking the Cincinnati Reds 8-1.

More important, if Blackley continues to pitch like this, the Phillies will have no choice but to sign him, which would mean his buxom, clothes-shedding wife, Arynne Tiller Blackley (top left; modesty courtesy of Larry Platt egg heads), will help twirl cotton candy at Phillies Wives’ charity events with the likes of Cole Hamels’s wife, Survivor temptress Heidi Strobel (right), and headline-grabbing strumpet Anna Benson this season.

Goosebumps … in your pants.

Phil’s Blackley warms to the occasion [Delaware Online]
Wedding of Arynne and Travis Blackley [YouTube]

A majority of the Daily News’s grizzled, Rizzo-revering readership probably choked on their scrapple this morning after the paper’s front page featured a pair of shirtless young black men — twin gay-porn stars, no less — following the duo’s arrest yesterday on a string of burglary charges.

The “People Paper” thoroughly enjoyed itself, using the so-bad-it’s-good headline “Breaking & Entering” on the cover, and then even less subtly calling the pair “hardened” criminals inside. The story’s already an online blockbuster, as numerous gay websites are salivating over the boneability of Taleon and Keyontil Goffney (stage names: Teyon and Keyon) and their numerous stealthy violations.

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The University of Pennsylvania’s athletic department is apparently trying desperately to further sanitize the Quakers’ already lily-white basketball fans: Administrators have requested that the team’s pep band stop playing the ubiquitous sporting event song “Rock and Roll (Part 2)” — you know: Duhhh-nuh-nuh-nuh … HEY! — to keep the not-so-raucous crowds from adding “You suck!” to the Gary Glitter ditty.

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Elfin New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg has agreed to give the University of Pennsylvania’s Class of 2008 commencement address. Bloomberg, not known for being a dynamic public speaker, is getting the opportunity not just because of his political clout — he’s also, as Penn president Amy Gutmann says, a “highly successful entrepreneur, noted philanthropist and tireless public servant.” (She forgot “layer of Diana Ross,” which should be added to the commencement program prior to his speech.)

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Daily News columnist Jenice Armstrong has capitalized on Jane Fonda’s now infamous slip-up on the Today Show by devoting a few hundred words this morning to the place of a certain slang term in modern society. First, she has to make absolutely sure you know exactly what word she’s talking about:

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The drawn-out saga of Peter Forsberg’s possible return to the NHL has produced all sorts of misdirections and backpedaling since the rumor was first floated at the beginning of the hockey season. And the Flyers, supposedly the frontrunners, have been cooling on him the longer it drags out. Any Forsberg news that happened this week was supposed to be about the lucky NHL team finally able to snag him. Unless, of course, his horse dies:

Swedish hockey star Peter Forsberg is suing a local company and the owners of a horse racing track for 12 million kronor (€1.28 million; US$1.87 million) for causing an accident that led to his horse being put down.

The name of the horse was “Tsar d’Inverne,” which is Swedish for “lingering foot problem.”

Peter Forsberg sues Swedish companies for horse race accident [International Herald Tribune]