The Eagles Examiner, Week 2: Monday Night Pfft-Ball
Each week during the Philadelphia Eagles season, the Daily Examiner will take a comprehensive look at what the local and national football geniuses are saying about our beloved/frustrating/heartbreaking team.
Dun-dun-duh-dah …: Does Tony Kornheiser really think those 14 strands of hair slicked across the top of his skull make him appear distinguished? Thankfully, Emmitt Smith was there to add … the worst pre-game commentary from a former player. Smith made Eric Dickerson look like a Mensa candidate. Seriously: “Portis had 127 yards last year, 563 yards, uh, rushed for 127 times, need him tonight against … defense … name eludes me … the Eagles.” Wow. Stick to mambo contests, dude. Jaworski saves everybody in that booth — even Charles Barkley. It’s become apparent that for every two witty, cogent things Sir Charles says, there are 14 ridiculously moronic things to follow.
Rust never sleeps: The Donovan McNabb comeback tour hit another speed bump as his gimpy leg and questionable timing were once again exposed. Just like last week, the rhythm returned about 52 minutes too late, as McNabb resorted to frantic dink-and-dunking late in the game to try to salvage a win against another dogshit team. He failed again. His lone scramble for a first down was encouraging, even though it appeared, once he returned to the huddle, that someone had billy-clubbed his knee again. Jaworski’s shouts of “He’s not healthy!” were valid, if obvious, but the Eagles continue to fool themselves that an 80 percent McNabb will make this offense effective. At least Donovan’s smile and marketability haven’t lost a step. At least the Eagles didn’t overpay for Jeff Garcia. That would’ve been foolish.
Reggie Brown picking up where James Thrash left off: Once again the Eagles “#1 wide receiver” was nonexistent for the most part, and his frustration began to show last night. Thank God the Eagles dumped some money into White Lightning. There’s a receiver that knows how to hang onto the ball. Except when LaRon Landry impales him. Brian Westbrook can only do so much.
Defensively speaking, the wheels are still loosely attached: But … Brian Dawkins splayed out on the Linc grass never inspires positive thoughts. Brodrick Bunkley, however, appears to have relieved himself of all knuckle-headedness. Still, the defensive line cannot cover the pass, and if Dawkins, Sean Considine and Lito Sheppard are all banged up, Joselio Hanson and Will James (né Peterson) are in trouble. Luckily next week’s opponent, the Detroit Lions, doesn’t throw the ball that much. Oh. Wait.
Reno Mahe did his best Reno Mahe impersonation: Hooray.
Oh, Andy: Third down, four minutes left, down by 11, your quarterback is finally clicking, and … dive play to Westbrook? But they converted fourth down. Yet, as previously stated, these receivers cannot get open, so this hurry-up mode doesn’t really inspire too much hope, save for the fact it’s always fun to watch balls ricochet off people’s hands at an accelerated speed. And there still appears to be mass confusion even when McNabb isn’t throwing the ball high/wide/low. Westbrook is part of 70 percent of the plays right now. Bump it up to 85 percent and it may equal a victory. 93 percent and they’ll go 14-2.
PHOTO: Washington Post
September 18th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Thank god they had Barkley on for so long. It helped distract from the pathetic game. The performance seemed very similar to the two listless losses the Birds played before McNabb went down last year.
September 18th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
>> The performance seemed very similar to the two listless losses the Birds played before McNabb went down last year.
Amen. Perhaps the Eagles players are also frustrated with McNabb’s inability to consistently put the ball on the numbers.
September 18th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Got this hilarious email from my buddy today (you know, misery and company), about how the season is quickly resembling a 747 that catches fire shortly after take-off. All you can do is hope for a soft landing. Problem is, the guy flying the plane refuses to admit that everyone on board is about to be charred to a crisp.
Anyway, here’s what he wrote. (He channeled Andy.) Enjoy:
First the injuries: All the passengers behind row 21 have loss 85 percent of their skin due to the intense fire. We will list them as day to day.
I thought the flight attendants did a good job getting the passengers ready for a crash landing, but the passengers intensity couldn’t match the inenisty of the fire, and I will take the responsibility for that.
We are looking forward to our next flight next week. We will fly the same plane, no
need for anything drastic at this point — like replacing the extremely damaged engine. I expect all the passengers to be ready to fly again next week.
Time is yours.