On Tuesday, hip-hop’s favorite power couple, Queen Bey and Jay Z, announced that they will be embracing a vegan diet for the next 22 days. The hip-hop mogul described his decision to go meat and dairy-free on his blog saying, “One day before my 44th birthday, I will embark on a 22 Days challenge to go completely vegan…It just feels right!” And then Beyoncé Instagrammed the this photo of four meat-free dishes she’s ostensibly eaten, and, well, the Internet basically exploded.
As a pescatarian 20-something who can’t actually afford fish or cheese, like, ever, I’m pretttttty much de facto vegan. (I actually do make a conscious effort to maintain a dairy-free diet but sometimes, after a few too many margaritas, pizza just happens.) So with a little help from some vegan friends, I’m here to give my favorite famous couple some frank advice about what to expect during their 22-day experiment. Do you have any advice for Beyonce and Jay Z? Let us know in the comments.
1. You will be hangry.
Hangry: the violent emotion that occurs when one is so hungry that they become uncontrollably angry. Fact: Consuming enough protein and iron without the help of chicken, eggs, cheese and milk can prove difficult. Lack of essential nutrients can cause energy levels to take a plunge and out comes the hanger. But, Jay and Bey, soon enough you'll embrace the energizing power of tofu and chia seeds and the hanger will subside.
2. You will read so many labels.
Okay, okay, who am I kidding here? You guys aren't going to be scouring labels for traces of milk powder and gelatin. But your minions who food shop for you are going to be reading SO many labels. Because when trying out a plant-based diet, you realize that no processed food is safe. In short, TRUST NOTHING, read everything.
3. You will consume at least 6 million avocados in the next 22 days.
Avocado is an acceptable replacement for pretty much every condiment in existence. Why have mayonnaise when you can just spread some creamy avocado on your sandwich? Who needs cheese on their tacos when they can just shovel on a hearty helping of guac? Let's just say, during your time as vegans, you will fall Crazy In Love with avocados. (See what I did there? Super fan, right here.)
4. The Obamas might stop inviting you over for dinner.
Okay, maybe not the Obamas, but your dinner party invites will definitely dwindle. Why? Because way too many meat-eaters are all, "Wait, but you can still eat chicken though, right?" And when you say no, they are totally baffled and make a mental note to never have you over for dinner again. Vegetarian/vegan folks who recently visited their meat-loving homes for Thanksgiving dinner can totally back me up on this one.
5. Say goodbye to your animal skins.
Sorry guys, but to get a genuine taste of what it's like to be true-blue vegans, you're going to have to ditch your much-loved leather and fur ensembles. Because, I mean, come on.