Well, folks, we’re just past the first-quarter mark for 2013 and, so far, we’ve already had some doozies in the health-headline department. In case you haven’t kept up, here are the 10 most unbelievable, ridiculous health headlines of the year so far. Here’s hoping for 10 more this quarter.
1. A German nun, who died nearly a century ago, is one step closer to sainthood since Pope Francis has credited her with the inexplicable healing of a young boy who had, like, a lot of diarrhea, the Denver Post reports.
The story goes like this: In 1998, Luke Burgie, a then-preschooler in Colorado Springs, fell ill with an undiagnosable gastrointestinal condition, characterized by “violent episodes of diarrhea eight to 10 times a day.” (No one deserves that.) Fortunately, the boy’s ailment miraculously disappeared as two local nuns finished reciting nine days of prayers to Mother Theresia Bonzel. Success! Now, after years of investigation to confirm that this was indeed a miracle, Bonzel is scheduled for beatification in November, and Luke Burgie, 18, just wants to forget the whole thing happened.
2. Baseball fans in the Lehigh Valley will learn about prostate health while urinating at the ballpark. NBC Philly details the bizarre “Pee to Play” gaming system, which provides men with potty-time entertainment.
3. A woman in Thailand gave birth … while riding a motorbike. According to the Jakarta Post, she “didn’t notice” and “zoomed off over the horizon in a cloud of dust.” Oh.
4. A Michigan mom loses all her teeth and develops a rare bone disease after drinking a pitcher of super-thick tea everyday for the last 17 years. But I thought tea was harmless? Is nothing sacred?! [via NY Daily News]
5. Tatyana Ali told The Huffington Post: “I cry three times a day as part of my workout routine. It really targets the core. Great way to reduce bloating.” Cue facepalm.
6. Sandra Lupo of St. Peters, Missouri, was forced to quit her job at Hooters after shaving her head for brain surgery, reports St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
7. That Time the United State Government Totally Poisoned Hugo Chávez, Former President of Venezuela, With Metastatic Cancer. [via Fox News]
8. Cindy Goody, McDonald’s director of nutrition, tries really, really hard to convince The Salt Lake Tribune that McDonald’s is totally McHealthy. Unfortunately, Goody seems to believe that less calories equals healthful food. She doesn’t discuss, you know, whether or not the food is actually nutrient dense. (Because it isn’t.)
9. Mississippi, the state with the nation’s highest rate of obesity, passes an “Anti-Bloomberg” bill, barring localities from enacting rules that limit portion sizes, reports CNN. At least they’re motivated enough to fight to remain unhealthy. I guess.
10. So, uh, Walmart keeps changing changing the “best by” date on its glazed donuts. In times like these, we must remain vigilant. TRUST NO ONE. [via HuffPo]