The Checkup: Half of Supermarket Chicken Is Tainted with Feces

• I eat chicken almost every night, ya’ll. So when I read yesterday that in a recent lab test nearly half of chicken products were found to be contaminated with feces (!!) I was … not pleased, to put it mildly. The nonprofit group Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine commissioned the test, which looked at 25 popular brands from 10 U.S. cities (for the record, Philly was not one of them). Overall, 48 percent of samples tested positive for fecal contamination, “indicated by the presence of coliform bacteria commonly found in chicken dung,” PCRM reports. In case you’re wondering, E. coli is a type of coliform bacteria. Super, right? You can check out the test results in full over here, but let me bring one to your attention: At a Kroger grocery store in Dallas, Texas, 100 percent of samples—that’s all. of. them.—were found to contain fecal matter. Gah!

• Let’s talk about something more pleasant … like how caffeine improves the ability of muscles to perform during morning workouts. I like that better than chicken poop.

• Here’s a story to dazzle your friends with at happy hour tonight: Scientists recently discovered 4 million-year-old bacteria that’s drug resistant, which could explain why drugs we use today to treat infections often don’t work. TIME has more.