This is no longer my outlook on the weekends for two reasons:
1. My husband’s new job has him working all day, both days of the weekend. Cue violin. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy he even has a job at all; I just wish that the hours didn’t suck so badly. His schedule means weekends are all Mommy, all the time. Anyone else want a drink right now?
2. I eat like an animal.
I am a planner, always have been. My likes include: schedules, calendars, punctuality, plans and meetings to discuss such things. My dislikes include: anything that flies in the face of the aforementioned. Don’t I sound like fun to hang out with? When it comes to eating, weekends seem to completely unravel me. The beautiful structure of my weekdays gives way to a complete clusterf*ck of eating chaos. Here’s a glimpse into my eating-related inner monologue:
Weekday Robin: Hmmmm … Whatever shall I have for breakfast this morning? Oh, that’s right, I have the same thing for breakfast EVERY morning, so this is a no-brainer. And let me write this meal down in my tracker to make sure I only eat my allotted points for the day! (*Hug self for being such a culinary genius*)
Weekend Robin: Crap. We’re out of blueberries. Now what am I going to throw on top of my cottage cheese? I bet Cinnamon Toast Crunch would taste good on there. And some mini marshmallows and chocolate syrup. Done and done. (*Shitty decision-making awakens food shame spiral from weekday slumber, the spinning of which launches tracker into the trash, never to be heard from again*)
Weekday Robin: Shall I have a salad for lunch? Or perhaps a bowl of the delicious tomato, spinach and white bean soup that I made yesterday? Follow that with a piece of fruit and a Weight Watchers Bliss Bar and I’m good to go! (*Reach up to polish small halo sitting atop head*)
Weekend Robin: Hooray! Another five-year-old birthday party. O isn’t going to finish that slice of pizza so I’ll just take care of that for her. And wash it down with a handful of Goldfish. Wait, she ate the cake but not the icing?!? What human being does that? Give me that spoon! (*Pretty sure I can hear other people’s inner monologues judging me with each spoonful of icing I ingest. Listen folks, I just write about this stuff. It doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. Now back off so that I can swipe that bottle of regular Coke off of the drink table and chug directly from the bottle in that dark corner over there.*)
Weekday Robin: Dinner? No sweat, now that I happen to heart cooking and have planned out all of my meals for the week. I’ll just pull out a little bit of this and a little bit of that and whip together a culinary miracle. (*Blue bird flies through imaginary open window, landing on my shoulder and whistling the opening bars of “Moves Like Jagger.” You were expecting Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah?)
Weekend Robin: Kids … it’s greasy Chinese food time! I’m trying to be good, so no crunchy noodles this week, okay? Just an egg roll, some pork fried rice and a little bit of General Tso. And would ya look at that? My fortune says that I am a skinny goddess. Fortunes don’t lie. I so am. (*No shame here, as it says in the Torah that you cannot separate a Jew from her Chinese, particularly on a Sunday. There’s nothing I can do. It’s a religious mandate.*)
And there you have it. A glimpse into my inner food monologue. She’s a snarky bitch, isn’t she? I need to put a muzzle on her because she continues to sabotage me, as is evidenced by my weight gain this week. Tell me to “eat before I go out” and “drink lots of water” as much as you want—nothing seems to work. Someone, please, give me advice to help me get her under control. Or, alternatively, follow me around on weekends and slap me when you see me reaching for something fattening. No doubt I will have some takers on the latter.
What I Did This Week
Good thing I’ve started my 5K running plan because it’s helping to combat the weekend eating craziness. I never thought I would say this, but I’m actually enjoying the running. I find that I look forward to going to the gym and getting on the treadmill. I also find that I am pushing myself to run faster each day just to prove to myself that I can do it. Even though I’m not at my skinniest, I find that I have more endurance than I’ve ever had. Could this be what being physically fit feels like? Who knew?
Oh … and I’ve also made a lot more Yonanas. I am a certified addict and need to buy a new freezer just to store my bananas. That is all.