10 Best Doctors on Television

A completely unscientific list of the medical professionals we’d want in an emergency

Despite the terrifying news that television is going to kill us all one day, the start of the new fall television season is always a little bit like a holiday for me. I celebrate with special clothes (read: pajamas) and food (read: snacks) and devote hours of time to worshiping at the altar of entertainment (read: my TV). However, if it’s true that television will one be my cause of death, it only seems appropriate that I start considering my medical options. Here’s a list of 10 doctors I would trust to help me during any TV-related emergencies.

Dr. Mark Craig, St. Elsewhere
The man’s got heart! The superstar doc at St. Eligius Hospital once held his dead son’s heart in his hand and quoted Green Eggs and Ham. This is what is known as drama.

 

Dr. Doug Ross, ER
In an ideal world, the entire male cast of ER should be on this list. (Eriq La Salle? Swoon. Anthony Edwards? I still haven’t recovered from the tragic death of Dr. Mark Greene. Noah Wylie? Eh. I liked your Gamma more than you.) But Clooney wins because that one time, in season two, he saved that kid from the storm drain and it was epic.

Dr. Melinda Warner, Law and Order: SVU
Is there any other doctor in the world who is so good at solving crimes? Doc Warner is always ready with a clue for Detectives Stabler and Benson. If I am somehow murdered by my television, I want her on the case.

 

Dr. “Hawkeye” Pierce, M*A*S*H
Like this list could exist without a mention of someone from M*A*S*H? There are doctors who heal in hospitals. Others do it in tents.

 

Dr. Douglas Howser, Doogie Howser, MD
Remember in season one when Doogie had to take out his girlfriend Wanda’s appendix and then got (momentarily) dumped over it? He was more of a professional at 16 than some adults ever are.

 

Dr. Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show
I’m not entirely sure we ever saw Dr. Cliff Huxtable ever care for a patient. But, well,  there really was not a chance that Bill Cosby wasn’t going to be on this list.

 

Dr. Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy
Total. Badass. And a straight shooter. I like that in my MDs. Another thing I like? She’s pretty clearly pro-choice. (Thank goodness my DVR caught me up on this season!)

 

Dr. Nick, The Simpsons
Look up “quack” in the dictionary and there will be a photo of Dr. Nick Riviera, the stereotypical screw-up MD on The Simpsons. He is, perhaps, best known for anesthetizing himself when he should’ve been preparing Bart for an appendectomy. If I ever need my appendix taken out, perhaps choose one of the other nine docs on this list.

Dr. James Kildare, Dr. Kildare
In the first episode of the series, Dr. Kildare’s mentor, Dr. James Gillespie tells him, “Our job is to keep people alive, not to tell them how to live.” Good advice. (I don’t appreciate preaching with my prescriptions.) Not that Kildare followed it—and thank goodness. Otherwise, there wouldn’t have been a show. Or a hunky doctor to admire.

Dr. Leo Spaceman, 30 Rock
Any doctor that can put up with Tracy Jordan is not just okay in our book—he’s damn near sainthood.

 

Which TV MDs would make your top 10 list? Tell us in the comments!

  • Kevin

    I’m giving an honorable mention to the doctor from Arrested Development:

    “He’s going to be all right.”

    “No, I mean we had to cut off his left hand. He’s going to be ALL right.”

    • Emily Leaman

      OMG, absolutely. Good call!

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