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Today’s Overprotected Kids Are Tomorrow’s Nightmare Employees

Have you ever been to a tee-ball game? Scooping out your own eyeballs with a plastic spoon by the end of whatever they’re calling the […]

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As Temps Rise, Philly’s Dress Code Plummets

It’s nice to see women of all shapes and sizes looking feminine and put-together in summer dresses. Wasn’t it a glorious day when we ditched […]

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All Penn Staters Should Still Be Disappointed in Joe Paterno

While it may appear that people get away with a hell of a lot, they don’t—not cardinals, or priests, or football coaches, or self-canonized institutions. […]

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The Lies Philly Landlords Tell

Attention Philadelphia landlords: If you want to charge $1,500 a month for rent, your property shouldn’t smell like guinea pigs. I’m not expecting MTV Cribs, […]

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Fat Betty Was Mad Men’s Most Genius Idea

Just when I was getting used to having that dreamy, complex bastard, Don Draper, back in my life, he’s gone again. I confess that when […]

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Cape May Bows to Smoking Canadians

In February, Cape May’s city council voted down a smoking ban on its beaches. So, good news: You can’t take the Jersey out of Jersey, […]

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Ed Rendell Should Retire the Word “Wuss”

Ed Rendell has pushed the word “wuss” way beyond its limits. He said it on the radio in 2010, got a reaction, and now he […]

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Father Judge Kids Should Be Glad They’re Not in a Washing Machine

My kids are annoyed because my birthday is the week before Mother’s Day. Surely I had nothing but time in utero, so I spent it […]

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Lessons Learned From John Edwards

I never see famous people. Wait. I’m lying. I saw JP II when he was here in 1979. I was 11, and my grandmother took […]

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Look! Confident, Employed People in Their 20s

Middle-aged people and their someday-you’ll-see-what-I-mean advice can really get on your nerves when you’re young. Do you think we don’t see you rolling your young […]

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Advice for the Class of 2012: Don’t Fear the Wienermobile

To the Class of 2012, I have a small, but memorable, piece of advice: If you’re offered the opportunity to travel the country in the […]

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Cinco de Mayo Is Not Another Reason to Get Wasted

Let me see if I understand this: Some of us would like our government to put up a fence to keep Mexicans in Mexico, maybe […]

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My Enema Shop Is Open for Business

I’ve been wracking my brain for a business idea, and I finally have it: prenuptial enemas. Persuading the bride that she’s merely a healthy dump […]

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Every Small Town Wants to Be a Cultural Mecca These Days

I never thought I’d hear a deejay say this: “Van Halen is about to take the stage, so come on out. Tickets are still available […]

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Your Teenager Is Probably a Foul-Mouthed Tramp

Since I’d want to know, pronto, if my son’s reply to being asked for his homework was, “Suck my dick,” my policy as a teacher […]