Ticket Alert: Fat White Men

Fat White Man Number One: Elton John. I was about to say a bunch of horrible things about the Rocketman, who completely annoys the hell out of me. But then a good friend of mine reminded me how beautiful "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" really is. Hear him (hopefully) sing it in Hershey on October 15th. $67 to $97. On sale this Monday, 10 a.m.

Fat White Man Number Two: Meat Loaf. "Total Eclipse of the Heart" would be such a better song if sung by him. And Reading seems like the kind of place that would really love it some Meat Loaf. October 24th. $29.50 to $65. On sale this Friday, 10 a.m.

Fat White Man Number Three: Lewis Black. Okay, so he's not really fat. But he is funny. And he's in Reading. On the same day as Meat Loaf. Weird. $45.50 to $55.50. On sale this Saturday, 10 a.m.

I'm going on a diet.