The New Rules of College Sex

How the federal government and a Malvern lawyer are rewriting the rules on campus hookups—and tagging young men as dangerous predators

Jack and Diane are at a party at their college. It’s September of their freshman year. They’re still excited about being away from home, on their own for the first time. They don’t know each other, but they’ve noticed one another, at orientation and in the dining hall.

Because they’re underage, they can’t drink at this party, but before she arrived, Diane “pre-gamed,” as the girls in her dorm call it—downing mixed drinks, doing gummy-worm and Jell-O shots. Jack had a few beers.

The liquor’s gone to Diane’s head. On the dance floor, she makes eye contact with Jack. He maneuvers his way toward her. She grabs him by the crotch, then whirls around and pushes against him, letting him grind away. Jack can’t believe it—she’s so pretty. She smells so good.

“I can’t hear myself think in here, it’s so loud!” he shouts into her ear.

She smiles at him. “What?”

“Too loud!” He takes her hand and leads her outside, into the autumn night. She looks at him expectantly. He puts his arms around her, pulling her close, and begins to kiss her. She drapes against him. He touches her breast, and when she doesn’t protest, does it again. He moves his hands to her rear, cupping her buttocks. She kisses him back, frantically eager. He reaches underneath her dress.

Jack doesn’t know it, but he’s just created what the Department of Education calls a “hostile environment” for women on his campus—a violation of Title IX for which his college could lose all federal funding. Should Diane press sexual assault charges against him with the school, he’ll be tried in a judicial hearing that fails to guarantee him the most basic American legal rights—the right to counsel, the right to confront his accuser, the right not to be convicted unless found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. He could well be expelled, and have a record that will hound him should he try to get into another school.

And here he thought it was his lucky night.

BACK IN APRIL, Vice President Joe Biden stood in front of 600 students at the University of New Hampshire and spoke out against an epidemic of sexual assaults on college campuses, garnering national publicity with his cri de coeur: “No matter what a girl does, no matter how she’s dressed, no matter how much she’s had to drink, it’s never, never, never, never, never okay to touch her without her consent.” The statistic Biden cited—the U.S. Justice Department’s finding that one in five college women are victims of sexual assault—is bound to give anxious parents pause: For this they’re paying $50,000 a year?

Biden’s speech was meant to focus attention on what U.S. Assistant Secretary of Education Russlynn Ali calls “a terrible, alarming trend” of campus sexual violence. Ali had just disseminated a 19-page “Dear Colleague” letter to all colleges and universities that receive federal aid—which is all but two in the country—detailing how they’re required to combat that trend. Her letter came in the wake of a Title IX complaint lodged in March by 16 students and alumni at Yale, asserting that the university failed to eliminate a “hostile sexual environment” perpetuated by, among other things, an e-mailed “Preseason Scouting Report” on 53 freshman women that ranked how many beers a male student would require before having sex with them, and fraternity pledges who shouted “No means yes! Yes means anal!” outside a dorm.

While women’s rights advocates have lauded Ali for finally putting teeth in Title IX—the 1972 federal law that prohibits colleges from discriminating on the basis of gender—a quieter groundswell of protest has charged her with trampling on the rights of young men accused of sexual assault in her rush to protect victims. College deans say she’s stripped their ability to deal with delicate he-said-she-said cases in fairer, more nuanced ways. Other administrators warn that even with the guidelines, campus hearing boards are ill-equipped to investigate assaults and rapes—all in the midst of another epidemic, binge drinking. Peter F. Lake, director of the Center for Excellence in Higher Education Law and Policy at Stetson University, told the Chronicle of Higher Education, “We’ve been lured into doing something in a criminal justice model that the criminal justice system itself hasn’t been able to deal with.”

But beyond the fundamental questions of fairness, Russlynn Ali’s guidelines impose a paralyzing “nanny state” on college campuses here in Philadelphia and across the country. At precisely the time in their lives when young men and women should be exploring what sexuality means, the new rules choke off their freedom, limit their choices, and encourage the canard that all males are unrepentant predators. What’s more, they position women as helpless victims who require bureaucratic protection from those males—victims with no responsibility for their own behavior.

Heaven help those women when they graduate.

IF YOU’RE CURIOUS as to how student sexual misconduct became a federal civil-rights liability for colleges, the man with the answer is perched in shorts and bare feet on a big, comfy sofa in the vault-ceilinged living room of his stone home in Malvern. Brett Sokolow, a ’97 Villanova Law grad, is founder of the National Center for Higher Education Risk Management, or NCHERM (pronounced “en-kerm”). For more than a decade, the genial 39-year-old has been warning colleges and -universities—he’s of counsel to more than 20, and has advised thousands—that the day was coming when courts would allow Title IX claims against them for sexual assaults. “The ‘Dear Colleague’ letter was one of the most important moments of my professional life,” he says.

Sokolow’s interest in campus safety stems from his sophomore year at the College of William & Mary, when he began dating a fellow student who’d been sexually assaulted: “She became an activist, and I became one as well.” He thought then that Title IX should have provided her redress, but “everybody said, ‘Title IX is just athletics.’” Actually, there’s no mention of sports in the law, which is enforced by the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR). (Disclosure: One of my relatives has been a victim of rape; another was once sanctioned by a college for sexual misconduct.)

Sokolow has built a business out of advising colleges on how to stay one step ahead of all sorts of legal liability, using hypothetical scenarios like the one in this article starring Jack and Diane. In a series of “white papers” for his clients, he’s traced how courts have been reinterpreting the laws on sexual harassment and assault to allow for Title IX complaints. For example, a finding of force was once necessary to prove rape. Gradually, the question instead became one of consent. And according to NCHERM’s “zero tolerance” model sexual assault policy, which many colleges employ, the burden is on “the initiator of sexual behavior” to obtain consent.

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  • Alan

    Sandy Hingston has captured perfectly the fruits of political correctness in the Dept of Education; the infantilization of women; the grotesque joining of careerism, cynicism, and ideological blinder

  • David

    A coed can get drunk, undress and have sex and get redress for free?

  • Mark

    I read at the false rape society that there was a university not long ago, caught manufacturing faulty rape statistics in order to cash these manufactured statistics in for more federal funding dollars.

  • Mark

    Fortunately none of the Duke lacrosse boys were killed when the Campus gender-feminist community created a lynch mob outside the boys house after that false rape accusation.

  • Sharon

    Is that not also a violation!?

  • Joe

    I am not sure how title IX is written, but in the story she tells of Diane and Jack. The way I see it is not Diane the one who is the one guilty of sexual assault? She is the one that grabbed Jacks crotch with out his consent and if you want to say it, the one who initiated the sexual encounter.

    • Doug

      No, in the current “legal” environment, women are victims and always tell the truth, and if a woman feelsl bad about sex, even if that feeling comes a few days afterwards, it means the man was guilty of sexual assault, even if they were both drunk. Those are the rules mandated by the federal government, believe it or not.

      • Ethan Bond

        No – if either party decide later he OR she was too intoxicated to enter into a contract then it means the other party was guilty of sexual assault. It has nothing to do with the sex of the person, stop acting as if it does, it has to do with who was raped.

        • Nope.

          Which would be nice, except 1) that’s not the philosophy in practice (if this were the case, I would find it very, very difficult to believe that the “campus sexual assault epidemic” primarily victimizes women and not members of either gender equally) 2) it’s kind of hard to charge a female culprit with a crime that is defined in a way that it can only be committed by a male.

          • Ethan Bond

            There are very very strong social/cultural forces that could sway the balance in either (or both) directions. Doesn’t seem that difficult to believe.

            In what jurisdiction is rape defined in a way that it can only be committed by a male? None? Right.

  • Razlo

    Refused the right to face ones accuser?!
    Denied right to legal counsel?!
    Presumption of guilt?!

    Since when did a college education become like an episode of the bloody twilight zone?!

    In all seriousness though, this isn’t funny. Its a damn travesty & an appalling disgrace.

  • bobsutan

    SHE sexually assaulted him first. She was the initiator of sexual contact by grabbing his crotch, uninvited and without asking, on the dance floor, and then pushing up against him.
    Clearly they both need to be expelled. /s

  • Fred

    Mark, the university which fudged the statistics is UC Davis. At least, that one was in the news recently. Most likely, several schools have done the same thing.

    Sandy, people in our generation have to update our generic names. All the Dianes I know are in the 50′s or older. Heck, even the Jennifers, Lisas and Michelles are now mostly in their 40′s. LOL.

  • yup

    what? this article is hogwash. for all of you commenting on Jack/Diane, IT’S A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION. As someone who went to college, I can tell you that what I saw many, many times was dumb asshole guys trying to get girls drunk so they can fuck them. most guys are not like this. but that doesn’t make it ok to dismiss the issue of sexual assault, especially when, in the last year, you have cases where the VICTIM was suspended for the year (a special ed student no less), and was RAPED AGAIN the next year by the same guy, and again reprimanded by the school; you have the school cheerleader who was kicked off the squad because she wouldn’t cheer for her CONVICTED RAPIST, etc etc. and if you’re a guy that was raped – forget about it; you’re fucked. you’ll be called a pussy and a queer by your peers and your case will probably be thrown out. this is not “false rape society”, this is actual rape society. both parties need to get consent from the other. CONSENT IS SEXY.

  • aurora

    Does the author of this article have no journalistic integrety? Seriously?! Half of the ‘facts’ in this article are lies or half-truths. No, it is NOT considered sexual assault if no one reports the assault. i’m not sure why you felt the need to pull that out of your ass, but it’s total bullshit. If the hypothetical girl’s RA saw this situation, she would ask the girl if she was alright at that moment and then again in the morning. If the girl was okay and did not feel assaulted, she was not assaulted and no one will be charged for it.

    And how the hell can you honestly sit there and present two dismissed rape trials (the woman gang-raped by the basketball team and the woman raped by football players) and present them as if the WOMEN one these cases? NO, they did not. The rapists walked FREE! I really think you need to actually RESEARCH these cases, too, because there was more than enough evidence to PROVE the rape, and the rapists STILL walked free.

    • Nope.

      “I really think you need to actually RESEARCH these cases, too, because
      there was more than enough evidence to PROVE the rape, and the rapists
      STILL walked free.”

      Actually, the courts dismissed the cases on the grounds that there wasn’t enough evidence to support the charges. That’s one reason why cases are thrown out: if the complainant can’t satisfy the burden of proof, then there’s nothing the courts can do.

      But thanks for playing.

  • Aurora

    I have no idea where this rape apologizer is getting her information. She claims that her hypothetical situation would be considered assault even if Diane did not feel that this was the case. That is complete bullshit. No, it’s not automatically sexual assault just because someone was drinking and you know it. No, one or two glasses of wine does not count as ‘drunk’. No, no one is telling anyone that they can’t have drunk sex.

    If you want to have drunk sex, that’s fine, but you need to realize that you might be taking a risk. If you have to ask yourself if someone is too drunk, they probably are too drunk If you have sex with them anyway, you are risking sexual assault charges. If you have sex with someone despite this knowledge (just as Jack did in the situation), you aren’t some innocent victim. You weren’t clueless. You knew there was risk involved!

    Also, I have yet to see any law that requires a male to ask a female before moving on to the next base. No. That’s not how consent works. As long as the female is sober enough to think clearly, is participating in the sexual…

  • Aurora

    Did you even read this whole article? When the author finally gets around to actually stating the new ‘rule’, you see that the rule states that any unwanted sexual touching from either sex to either sex is sexual assault. It’s that simple. So, yes, if Jack was drunk and/or if Jack had said no, Diane would be the sexual assaulter. However, the story reveals that Jack was into it, so obviously that’s not the case here.

    No one is claiming that females can be assaulters or that males can’t be victims. Don’t be absurd.

    • Common Sense

      This whole issue is a load of horsesh*t, if you are drunk and bang somebody its you’re dumbass fault for getting drunk and putting yourself in a compromising position. What happened to thinking for yourself and realizing consequences for you’re actions. So women aren’t responsible for their actions now? Someone made them drink themselves retarded? As a man i dont go out in public and get wasted because i know it makes me a target for mugging etc, are women retarded and cant figure out not to compromise themselves? Because thats what you’re saying. And if they do compromise themselves some poor dude is suppose to know they did and protect them from the consequences of their actions and if not face consequences? I am glad my girl is an equal to me and is smart, she knows not to get wasted in public and possesses good common sense. Unlike seemingly the rest of the female population. Shame on you women who think this way, grow up and take responsibility.

  • zarko

    – No, it’s not automatically sexual assault just because someone was drinking and you know it. No, one or two glasses of wine does not count as ‘drunk’.–

    Although the rest of your trash posted

  • aurora

    Yes, Zarko, pointing out blatant lies and ignorance is trash! My bad. I guess, as a female, I’m supposed to just shut up and take it, right?

    I’m not sure why you bothered to respond to me if you aren’t even going to debate. I’m hoping you were cut off or something.

  • Paul

    So the filthy lawyer founds NCHEM, charges $2500/head, making $425K/yr to panic colleges to expel kids with no due process to defend again title IX violations and get more gov’t grant money. Then he will defend the other side. “neatly playing both sides of the filed.” Dirt bag.

  • Joe

    Yes, I did read the article and after your post I re-read it again. I will assume that you miss typed and meant “Can’t” “No one is claiming that females can be assaulters “.
    You are correct in what the rule actually states in the article. But I think you have missed something. At what point did Jack consent to having his crotch touched? “He maneuvers his way toward her. She grabs him by the crotch” Answer; He didn’t. Nor at any point did she get verbal permission to do so before she grabbed him. As for jack being into it, he may have been. But that is after she grabbed him with out his permission. If you are trying to tell me that she didn’t assault him because he was into it after what she did, can you not say the same thing about her. Or is it that because she had been drinking that she can’t consent? If that is your argument, she can do anything she wants and not be held responsible for her actions. Rob someone, Not guilty she had been drinking. Kill someone, Not guilty, she…

  • zarko

    Yes, it cut me off. And yes, way to portray yourself as a victim off the cuff. Very classy.

    And yes, he’s a rapist even though she grabbed his crotch. That does NOT signify consent. At ALL. It’s

    • Nope.

      That’s a joke, right?

  • Dulantha

    Finally these laws will target only heterosexual people. Anyone knows that there are lot of homosexual offenses can be found within schools, campuses, and all of educational institutes. The educational authority must explain how they will act when it comes to a homosexual offense. And they must explain about their attitude about the real nature of sexuality. These rules are finally working for disgracing natural sexuality and promoting abnormal mentally retarded sexual behavior. There must be rules and also there must be a discipline related to the sexuality. But they must not be hatred, and they must not be exceeded the nature.

    http://spiritofnature99.blogspot.com/

  • askk

    What feminism failed to tell us: http://goo.gl/f4pXo

  • John David

    The women who wrote this idiotic law seem to be operating on the principle, “if I ever had sex and afterward regretted it, that makes it rape — and never my own choice.”

    Any woman who feels that way should ask her mother if she can move back home and stay there forever. She certainly should not be trusted with adult privileges such as the vote.

    I predict and hope that potential students will stay away from any school that enacts the new rules. Those with sensible management will adopt a policy of refusing all federal funds instead. The rest will fade into oblivion which is probably well deserved, since they’re the same schools that have replaced facts with Communist teachings anyway.

  • stephanie

    The tone of this article makes me sick. Poor, poor Jack. Worry for your sons going off to college! Lets forget about all the daughters getting raped and being too scared to report it because people will blame her for her assault and say she shouldn’t have drank so much. Shame on you for writing this ode to rape culture.

    • blablabla

      So, poor poor Diane, who, remember, initiated the sexual touching? This isnt an ode to rape culture, you completely brain dead moron. This is an ode to not falsely punishing men for something they didnt do.

  • Olo

    Colleges shouldn’t be policing relationships between people 18 and older, but I managed to get through college without touching anyone sexually without their consent. It really wasn’t that hard.

    • blablabla

      That is not the problem discussed here. The problem is that if in any of those cases you touched a girl with her complete consent, but she was drunk, that you could be expelled for it. THAT is the REAL issue we are discussing here. That is how broad and crappy these “evidentiary standards” are.

  • TinaTrent

    As an advocate for crime victims, I hate campus rape politics and the federal apparatus discussed here because each are only about politically correct activism, not actually punishing real crime (campus rape activists routinely resist or ignore sentencing and recidivism enhancements and other real measure for stopping crime). Colleges have NO business “investigating” or weighing in on rape cases.

    But the reporter crudely misrepresents the Athens GA case: that was a very brutal “train” gang rape with men hiding in a closet and the hall, waiting to pounce, and the acquittal was a raw, ugly, and politicized injustice — to the rape victim. In your eagerness to pick a political battle, you and your supporters are attacking real victims and making it more difficult to convict real rapists — remember that. Do you homework; don’t pretend every acquittal or failure to prosecute equals innocence; remember all the real victims still denied justice because of equally horrific biases — in other words, get your facts straight, or you’re no better than those you criticize.

    • blablabla

      So lets just arrest everyone accuse of a crime right? Lets just assume that someone is guilty, whether they are acquitted or not, of a sexual assault when charged with it. I would rather let a potential rapist (key word being POTENTIAL) rapist go free than put a innocent person in jail.

  • Alan

    Instead of cater to the feminist agaenda to bait males by the use of immature females who are being indoctrinated by the anti-male propaganda it is high-time society instead held women as in the past to the same level of accountability as males, certainly not makes discriminatory rules/policies that target and predate upon the male gender. We must be heard to stop this injustice and discriminatory persecution.

  • Kratch

    @Tina, you claim we are attacking real victims, that we don’t consider that an aquital may be a rapist going free. But you, likewise, are guilty of the same in your refusal to acknowledge false accusations exist, and are incentivised, and, unlike rape, don’t come with consequences. Just ask Crystal magnum and her most recent boyfriend how that works out.

    And I wouldn’t call due process horrifically biased, but clearly you do. And you don’t think the ease of making accusations combined with the gains made by those accusations plus the complete lack of consequences is biased? Or do you just believe men are incappable of being victims, even when their lives are destroyed by false accusations. After all, it’s not like virtually every female music artist out there has a revenge song… oh wait… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmfzEJzSDYw&feature=BFa&list=PL8E2A57105FBAC535&lf=BFa

    • Ethan Bond

      There’s not much evidence to suggest false accusations are some widespread trend. There’s quite a bit of evidence to suggest that rape (or at least the reporting of it) is.

      • Nope.

        It’s difficult to accurately gauge the incidence of false rape reports, but this study cites 5.9%. http://www.icdv.idaho.gov/conference/handouts/False-Allegations.pdf

        Also, from this source:

        “Of the 136 cases of sexual assault 8 (5.9%) were coded as false reports, 61 (44.9%) did not proceed to any prosecution or disciplinary action, 48 (35.3%) were referred for prosecution or disciplinary action, and 19 (13.9%) contained insufficient information to be coded (see Table 2).” (p. 1329)

        This means that, of these 136 cases, a whopping 58.8% of them could not proceed into the criminal justice system because the evidence to support them was either unsubstantial or non-existent— and this isn’t taking into consideration the 5.9% of these that were demonstrated (either by those who reported the assaults or otherwise) as false.

        • Ethan Bond

          You must have a terrible understanding of the legal system independently if you think that not forwarding for criminal prosecution is ANY indication of validity.

          Your own report comments on this. Page 3.

  • Andrea

    Apparently nowadays snarkiness sells magazines, but I found the tone of this article very offensive. Although it is clear that sexual assault is a complicated issue, often when alcohol is involved, this article basically mocked the need for consent. First of all, as I learned in a college alcohol education seminar at UPenn, an intoxicated person is NOT legally able to give consent. To mock this idea is completely absurd. College students need to be educated about the effects of binge drinking, but the epidemic (to use one of the author’s despised words) of binge drinking does not negate the potential of sexual assault. While I’m sure the intention of the author was to inspire healthy discussion about methods to prevent sexual assault on college campuses, it truly did nothing but inspire victim-blaming, which prevents young men and women from reporting sexual assaults. Sexual assault is a serious issue, and utilizing a snarky and sarcastic tone for this article was a poor choice by Philly Magazine.

  • Aurora

    Yes, I did make a typo. However, my point was clear enough. I’m not sure how you missed it, honestly .

    YES, as I said, it WOULD be sexual assault if Jack didn’t like it. YES, grabbing someone’s crotch without consent is assault. I don’t see anyone denying this. The article just failed to address it. This is the author’s fault for failing to point this out in an effort to make men look like the victims in this situation.

    It seems, in the example, that Jack was giving Diane signals, and Diane was giving him signals, too. Diane took these signals to mean that Jack wanted sexual contact, so she grabbed his crotch. In the example, Jack liked this contact. He enjoyed it. Therefore, in the example, it is not sexual assault UNLESS Jack was very drunk as well AND decides he didn’t like it when he was sober. If Jack was sober and he enjoyed this action, it’s obviously not assault (just as it wouldn’t be assault if a guy felt a girl through her pants while the girl was sober and she liked it). Assault implies that the person did not like the action. If the person isn’t…

  • aurora

    I’m guessing you’re just a troll at this point, yes? Are you having trouble with the comment system?

    I’m not sure how I’m portraying myself as a victim, but it has nothing to do with ‘class’. The vast majority of rape and sexual assault victims ARE WOMEN, however, so there’s nothing incorrect with me saying so.

    If you meant to say that I was portraying DIANE as the victim, the you’re correct. I was doing so because Diane IS the victim here.

    You’re missing out on a crucial point. Grabbing his crotch isn’t consent because Diane is very drunk (this is how the story portrays her, anyway). A person that is very drunk is not able to think or reason clearly. Diane may be okay with the situation at the time, but she may NOT be okay with the situation when she sobers up. THIS is the key point here. If Diane was sober or only a little buzzed and was not emotionally or physically forced into fooling around, then yes, she would have given her consent. It would be best if both partners had made sure the other was comfortable with the situation (a quick ‘are you comfortable…

    • blablabla

      What about him? In the story, it indicated he had been drinking as well. Or dont the same standards apply to him? You seem like the kind of person who would advocate letting women who drive drunk go free because “they’re victims.”

      • Ethan Bond

        IT’S A FICTIONAL STORY MADE UP SOLELY TO CONVINCE YOU OF SOMETHING. STOP RELYING ON IT FOR YOUR ARGUMENT.

        • Nope.

          It’s a scenario the author of the piece created to highlight the effects of sexual assault policies. That it is fictional does not undermine its credibility.

  • Aurora

    I have no idea what revenge songs have to do with rape and sexual assault against women. Seriously, what the hell is your point? Is there anything even wrong with women taking out their frustration with men by singing?

    And it’s not like there’s any misogynist songs out there that paint women as whores, bitches, and objects, right? No one ever rights songs about banging hos and forcing women to ‘stay in their place’, right? There’s 100x more songs that degrade women than there are songs about women wanting to take revenge on their exes. Please.

    Also, your argument is completely invalid. Yes ,there are false rape accusations. I’ve never heard any feminist deny this. No one is claiming that this never, ever happens. HOWEVER, people make false accusations about every crime. There are NO MORE FALSE RAPE ACCUSATIONS THAN THERE ARE FALSE ACCUSATIONS FOR ANY OTHER CRIME! Should we start degrading a victim of ANY crime? Should we start calling people ‘murder accusers’ or ‘kidnapping accusers’ or ‘robbery accusers’? Should we start talking ALL crimes less seriously?

    You also need to remember that TONS of rape and sexual assault crimes are never even reported.

    So what was your point…

  • Aurora

    What the hell are you even talking about? There aren’t higher standards for men when it comes to sexual assault and rape. If a woman was to sleep with a very drunk male and that male decided the next morning that he didn’t want it, that would definitely be rape. if a woman emotionally compromised a man into sleeping with her when he didn’t want it, that would be rape. If a woman started groping a man who was not at all involved with her sexually and did not want it, that would be sexual assault. There are no ‘higher standards’ for men. Men and women are expected to take the very same precautions.

    Do you know why you always here about rape and sexual assault cases with a female victim and a male rapist/assaulter? It’s not because we’re targeting males, it’s because the vast, VAST majority of sexual assaults and rapes are committed by a male against a female. You wouldn’t hear about males as often as you do if males would stop raping females. :/

    In fact, society actually has higher standards for WOMEN! Women are expected to prevent their own rape (even though this is pretty much impossible…

    • blablabla

      What does “emotionally compromised” mean? Guilted? Because, guess what? That isnt rape. Because at the end of the day, no matter how “guilty” you felt, you still consented. Or does it mean something else?
      “You wouldn’t hear about males as often as you do if males would stop raping females. :/”
      Just because YOU are inundated with these tired old “studies” of “men rape women FAR MORE than women rape men” doesnt mean they’re true? Maybe they’re using a definition which will by necessity make most of the perps male? Just maybe? If a woman forces sex on a man by hopping on him and enveloping him with her vagina, that is rape, correct? Well guess what? Most of the studies, and indeed the law, do NOT consider that rape. THAT is the reason those studies say the vast majority of rapists are male. Your ignorance is astounding but not surprising given our whole attitude of “women are always victims.” Hell you portray that attitude yourself via the crap you wrote.

      • Ethan Bond

        Simply not true. You cannot enter any agreement (which sex is) under duress. “Emotionally compromised” can be anything from guilting to holding your mother hostage.

  • de

    Kratch: False accusation comes with very serious penalties and the percentage of false rape accusations is the same as any other crime. Making such accusations is not easy, and they certainly do not go unpunished. Of course men can be victims. This is something that is unfortunately overlooked and dismissed by many people.

  • TinaTrent

    I have said nothing you’re implying. Read more carefully. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

    And if you doubt this, read my record. Don’t be sloppy.

  • Ruth

    The problem is women seem to enjoy equality in the boardroom but not the bedroom. Women still expect men to pursue them as part of the mating script. Many women will tell you that “giving in” to a man is an essential part of sex. Until that changes no one will go for “may I unbutton your shirt” type of consent.

  • no

    I wouldn’t say that women “seem to enjoy” being pursued; moreso they’re taught that dating works that way (through media, pop culture, movies, etc etc). Completely agree about the “giving in” thing – it’s a very unhealthy dynamic. And if a girl is eager to have sex, she’s automatically labeled a slut (meanwhile guys are “studs”).

  • donald

    In the little hypothetical story didn’t the woman grab the man by the crotch? If he’s guilty for sexual assault by these standards then so is she. Great article though!

  • Martin

    American women are walking liability factories when it comes to sex and relationships. They are responsible for nothing and have the final say in every situation where ambiguity rules the day. It just starts earlier now. Guys – STAY AWAY. You do not have the same legally privileged status. Class dismissed.

    • blablabla

      Seriously, do not TOUCH or interact with any western woman, PERIOD! The risks are FAR too high. Just get a woman from a poor country who is nice and who is a REAL woman, not these weak minded fools in the west.

  • David

    One of Diane’s first acts before Jack touchs or grinds against her, is to grab his crotch. Is that not sexual assault/battery as well?

  • Emily

    The old adage “women who have sex are slut while men are studs” isn’t true anymore. I am an older woman who works with many college aged women. I am constantly shocked by the conversations about hook ups and sex the younger women have every Monday and the details are enough to make anyone blush. It is expected among young women that they are sexual active. The few in the office who aren’t are viewed as social pariah.

  • Suzanne

    Women, like me, are generally quite happy having men pursue them and taking the lead. It is OUR preference, not the dictates of some MAN. Instead MEN like BRETT SOKOLOW are trying to tell us what we should prefer. Sorry BRETT. Women have lived with MEN telling us what to do for ages. We are finally free to decide for ourselves. I might like to be treated equal at work, but when it comes to romance I want a real man who will wake me up in the middle of the night, roll me over, and rock my world. NOT some man-child who asks if it is OK to touch my breast. If that means I have an awkward kiss or occasional sex I regret, so be it. No system is perfect. BRETT SOKOLOW, take your man-made warped vision of “equality” and shove it!

    • blablabla

      How much would it ruin the mood to have someone asking every five seconds “can i touch this now? Can I do this now? Is it ok if i can cum?” Even from a man’s perspective who likes submissive women (big surprise there huh) that would annoy the SHIT out of me. I can only imagine how much worse it is when you want someone to take control and he constantly asks if something is ok. “Hey dick, if something is NOT ok i will let you know either by words or by body language.” That sentence right there should be people’s attitude towards dating and sexuality.

  • Jayinee

    “What’s interesting about the 2007 Justice Department report is that its researchers didn’t ask the 5,446 female students who took their online survey if they’d been sexually assaulted. They decided for the young women, who despite their on-campus training and support were deemed too ignorant to know.

    Specifically, the survey asked whether students had experienced unwanted sexual contact, defined as forced kissing, grabbing, fondling, touching of private parts, and/or oral, anal or vaginal penetration via finger, mouth, tongue, penis or object. If students checked YES, as 1,073—one in five—did, that was deemed a sexual assault.”

    What does the author think sexual assault means? Unwanted sexual touching is the definition of sexual assault. Whether or not the act is reported or prosecuted is an entirely different story–it doesn’t change the meaning of what happened. If I have a daughter who is stealing money from me and I don’t turn her in for whatever reason, it doesn’t make her any less of a thief. Ridiculous.

  • A

    If sexual assault is defined as “any intentional sexual touching, however slight, with any object, by a man or a woman upon a man or a woman, without consent.”, then according to these rules, wouldn’t Diane be the assaulter, since she didn’t ask permission to grab Jake’s crotch?

    • blablabla

      Not according to feminists. Remove woman in the first instance and THEN you have what feminists think. Because, according to them, only men can be perpetrators. They rarely even acknowledge female victims of females let alone male victims.

  • Justin

    This is blatent feminism people. it is astonishing feminism wasn’t mentioned once in this article. This is an obvious attempt to put any male in prison for being a harmless guy hooking up in college. This false rape society is just a bastion of man hating feminists bigots who really think they can subjugate men, and their lapdog males who are either totally clueless whiteknights or careerist filth.

  • jill

    We welcome and encourage thoughtful comments. What we don’t want (and reserve the right to remove) are impersonators and comments that are personal attacks, violent threats, or flat-out offensive. In other words, be respectful of our online community and contribute to an engaging conversation.

  • Diera

    I think this all comes as a result of unhealthy communication and emotional behaviors that run rampant in our society. So many of us use passive-aggressive tactics and indirect communication that we no longer have to take responsibility for what we say, or don’t say. To overtly say “I want to have sex with you” and the other party actually give cinsent is too overt and unappealing. To use suggestive body language or coy passivity is apparently a turn-on that leaves room to change your mind after the fact. Thus, when a person starts to feel guilty for their actions post-encounter, they then want to absolve their responsibility and just say “that’s not what I meant”. Sexual assault and rape are real, yes. And those situations absolutely need to be handled delicately and appropriately. But how many of us can honestly recall times that although we did not give verbal consent, we absolutely allowed and intended for the situation to happen but then regretted it. We need teach young people to be honest and transparent about their motives, which would lessen the opportunity for unintended encounters. Say what you mean, and mean…

  • Emily

    Its really not that hard not to rape someone. Its not murky. There is no fine line.

    • blablabla

      The way that dating and sexual relations are set up, the lines are VERY murky actually. You can be making out with a girl, and all she wants to do is make out, but suppose she doesnt make that clear and you grab thigh and she doesnt like that and pushes your hand away. Congrats, you have just sexually assaulted her, EVEN THOUGH prior to touching her thigh she didnt indicate she didnt want you going further than just a makeout session through body language or words. Should you now be arrested?

      • Ethan Bond

        No, you shouldn’t – and you won’t be – and no one has been – and no one will be.

        It’s called the “Slippery Slope Fallacy,” look it up and stop being such a hyperbolic moron.

        • Nope.

          Invoking the names of fallacies doesn’t make you any smarter, especially when the fallacy in question was never used.

  • James

    Thank you for standing up for the rights of men. There are precious few doing it. Although there are idiots, who don’t understand a man’s point of view on these guidelines and don’t even care, idiots who will line up to hate on you, you are truly a person of integrity and it warms my heart that at least one woman actually realizes the position this stuff puts us in.

    As you indicated in the article, NOBODY asks for consent for every instance of sexual contact. If they did,NOBODY would have sex, because it would take two days of asking questions before anybody could have sex with anybody, and be a legal minefield. For instance, what if you accidentally ejaculate before asking permission? A lot of men have a medical condition that makes this eventuality all but certain. So they don’t get to have sex because they have a medical condition? They have to spend their lives alone? That must be the conclusion these idiots are counting on, because that one slip-up could cost a man 20 years of his life in prison being raped by ACTUAL sex offenders.

    • Ethan Bond

      Look up “Slippery Slope Fallacy.”

  • D.L.

    This is outrageous!

    1) Jack had nothing to do with Diane drinking.
    2) Jack was not aware of Diane drinking.
    3) Diane initiated the sexual encounter.
    4) If anyone in this extended encounter is

  • levi

    sounds like the rest of the ambiguous sex offender laws.. a bunch of ill conceived moronic ways for the government to create a new second class of society for the public to hate since it is not allowed to hate blacks, gays, women, asains or commies any more… why can’t we all just get along and hate congress? At least we would be hating a group that deserves it!!

  • marie

    I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A COLLEGE WOMAN GRABBING A MALE CO-ED’S CROTCH. EVER. Where did this author come up with this scenario? From her own sordid past perhaps?(The one she brags about more than once in the article). What a joke. She’s a terrible example of a woman. This article is a disgrace.

  • marie

    I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A COLLEGE WOMAN GRABBING A MALE CO-ED’S CROTCH. EVER. Where did this author come up with this scenario? From her own sordid past perhaps?(The one she brags about more than once in the article). What a joke. She’s a terrible example of a woman. This article is a disgrace.

    • blablabla

      I, PERSONALLY, havent heard of it, therefore it doesnt happen. I have never seen a person be as stupid as you have been before in my life, but clearly it can and does happen. Thank you for showing me how stupid people can be.

  • Max

    Part 1……Never heard of a woman grabbing a man’s crotch? Let alone at college… You are a RIDICULOUS PERSON. I see it happen to men EVERY WEEKEND. From woman who they are not attracted to or want that attention from. And quite often women whom they enjoy it from. And I go to a small D2 college. I’m a non attractive person, well maybe average to below average ( I’m told i have a nice personality though ;) ) and I have been a “victim” of this. Granted not often but it has happened. This idea that adult woman are infants the second alcohol touches their lips is ridiculous and self demeaning to I assume woman who are complaining in these comments. Yes rape happens, yes it goes unreported, but I’ve been hearing more and more reports of false rape being upwards of 40-50% of all initial filed reports. Crazy numbers but I’ve heard them from mutliple legitimate sources and no it wasn’t the internet. These laws that claim woman under the influence cannot give consent are unwarranted and ridiculous.

    • Ethan Bond

      No one can give consent under the influence. If you sign a legal document drunk, your signature is void. Even if you wake up and wanted to sign it anyhow, you have to sign it again.

  • Max

    Part 2…..Alcohol affects both male and female bodies the same exact way. You have knowledge of what’s going on until you’re about a half hour away from blacking out and falling asleep (If it’s one of those push your limits type of nights). And please before you attempt the “men can handle more liquor than woman” argument, very good you’re right!!! But girls don’t pride themselves on matching a guy shot for shot typically. Granted if some guy is going to town on a girl who is unconscious throw his ass in jail, not some college dean turned judge’s office. This blinding grandmotherly view of our nation’s women population being asexual angels is beyond stupid, and simply defying nature, woman want to mate naturally, yes many argue that men have a higher sex drive, but that doesn’t mean that our college female students don’t have it either. I’m tired of hearing these excuses of “rape via budlight” due to next morning remorse, but If a girl goes out and drops fifty bucks at mcdonalds on big macs blacked out to take back to the party, you can’t accuse the kid behind the register of robbing her.

  • Max

    All this does is really hurt the true victims of rape. I find it so insulting when some girl wakes up and realizes that the guy she hooked up with last night was ugly or is afraid of what people will think of her, so because of the pressure in society that any girl that had sex while intoxicated MUST HAVE BEEN RAPED, so she cries wolf, oh excuse me rape. Rape is a horrific and terrifying thing to go through and the more it’s falsely reported and accused the more common and diluted the definition of rape becomes. All this does is divert attention and recourses to reprimand the true rapists, and give counsel and help to real victims. “No” is such an easy word to say, one of the first we learn when we first start learning to speak. Once it’s said with its true intent and not in a teasing manner, it’s rape. And grabbing a guy’s crotch while grinding with him right before following him to a secluded area is consent, unless at a later point in time “no, stop, not now, is said or even a slight push away” has occurred.

    • Ethan Bond

      Go ahead and look up the “No True Scotsman” fallacy and get back to me. Rape is rape and it comes in many forms. It’s punished so aggressively because it harms people so much. If a girl rapes a boy via overconsumption of alcohol, the harm caused is quite similar to if a girl rapes a boy via zipties.

  • Mary

    Actually alcohol affects women differently in that it takes longer for women to process alcohol (in most cases).

  • lilith

    While I appreciate the attempts to safe-guard civil liberties, I do feel that the author is fairly disingenuous concerning power dynamics and the real-life consequences of sexual behavior for men and women. I’ve had my own share of stupid hookups, and have never brought criminal charges, but if asked whether I feel men and women are treated equally when it comes to sexual choices I would have to say no. I wish the author would address that concern, which seems entirely relevant to this discussion.

  • Frank

    “but if asked whether I feel men and women are treated equally when it comes to sexual choices I would have to say no.”

    Indeed not, anonymous. Men are required to initiate sex yet now will be punished when they do. Further, men cannot refuse sex under penalty of scorn. Women have effective, reversible birth control pills. Men, no reversible pharmaceutical birth control. Women can terminate child support obligations through abortion. Men are required to pay child support even when they are raped by the mother (from 13 year old boys to 85 year old disabled men), or go to jail.

    NCHERM’s own “model” policy for colleges says that a sober woman who has vaginal sex with a man who is blacked out from alcohol OD has NOT committed non-consensual sexual contact. Wow.

    This is blatant hatred of and discrimination against men. At a time when men are barely 40% of college graduates.

    • DukeLax

      US gender-feminists are going to continue to pervert American law enforcement until we reach the point where all hetero-sexual relationships are a legal liability for guys.

  • John

    Somebody failed their Stats 101 class back in college, eh? You cannot take a population statistic and apply it directly to a subset population; just like you can’t just pick 5 random women can go “at least one of you has been raped!!!!111oneone” you can’t also point at an individual college and say “exactly 20% of your female population has been raped.”

    Seriously, somebody get our author a 1st year stats textbook.

  • Blake

    That’s some lovely rape apologism throughout this entire article. Congrats on making the entire Philly area look like a bunch of rapists.

  • Jessica

    How can the author complain of the infantilization of women here? She assumes that men are not intelligent enough to realize that a woman who is completely obliterated is not able to consent.
    Shame on you for blaming the victim.

    • blablabla

      Stop being stupid. Go reread the article, specifically the story of “jack and diane.” In that instance BOTH are willing participants. The problem comes in that EVEN iN THAT SITUATION he (not she of course) can be charged with sexual assault even though it wouldn’t fly in civil or criminal court on her say so (should she be so conniving) or on the say so of a staff member of the college. The problem is the system is set up to punish men who do what normal teenagers/young people do: have sex with willing participants.

      • Ethan Bond

        Go read the fictional story that attempts to form the basis for a factual structure of procedures?

  • Raphael

    K, I got a problem with this “Jack and Diane” scenario: Nobody is complaining about situations where horny girls come onto men and are then fucked. The stuff anti-rape laws are protecting against is different, where the girl ISN’T like wet with eagerness and she DOESN’T press up against the dude and like beg for his dick. Rape laws protect against situations where, like, the girl keeps saying “no” and the guy acts like he hasn’t heard, or where he presses drink after drink on her, or where she wants to hook up but doesn’t want sex and he holds her down and forces it all the way. K? We’re not talking about girls who WANT sex. Fucking girls who WANT sex is TOTALLY COOL! And the girls will probably NOT COMPLAIN! Most women aren’t psycho whorebeasts who will abuse rape laws to hurt men they’ve fucked, and even if some of those women exist, that’s not a reason to NOT HAVE rape laws. Jeez.

    • blablabla

      I think you’re not reading something correctly. The fact that women exist that would abuse laws is EXACTLY what we’re trying to protect these young men against. Nobody in this article said that we shouldnt have “anti rape laws.” What was said was we shouldnt have this bullshit “preponderance of evidence” bullshit deciding whose life is ruined. Because according to this model if you are accused of sexual assault and appear before the board nervous as hell (as any person would be under such a scary situation) and your story doesnt sound as convincing as hers, even by a margin of a fraction of percentage in her favor, guess what? You’re fucked! The problem presented here is that DESPITE Diane WANTING sex (as is clear by her body language and actions), the college can expell Jack for, essentially, doing what a normal, non gay man would do: have sex with a willing hot girl. The fact that you think ANYONE is talking about removing rape laws speaks volumes about the amount of brain washing you have received. Most likely because of the feminists.

  • Mark

    There is a college culture that needs this type of protection. check out rodeo on the urban dictionary to see how far college boys are seeing women as equals or understand sexual assault. Frat boys esp seem to think assault is a joke to be filmed on their cameras for goodness sake!

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rodeo

  • Jeffrey

    Maybe it’s irony, maybe it’s poetic justice, but the liberal college campuses which elected Obama are about to pay the price for his administration’s extremist left wing ideology. As a bedrock prin

  • Rick

    I’m in college and these scenarios are theatrically blasẻ, but cartoonish and inaccurate. Anthropological looks into any group defined by age, sex, race, or common goal, should be in depth, considerate, and have space for intellectual development. This is, instead, a nicely paced display of cliches wrapped in condescending quotation marks. I was hoping for more.

  • Debz

    Why is it that this article made no mention of the fact that the DIANE was the “initiator” in this instance? She grabbed JACK’s crotch first!

    Additionally, what about the fact that Diane was not the only one who might have been “incapacitated,” since Jack had also imbibed alcohol?

  • Gary

    It seems to me that the initiator in the Diane/Jack example was Diane, when she grabbed Jack’s crotch, then turned and began grinding against him.

    The double standard has been reversed, but is alive and well.

    • Ethan Bond

      It’s a double standard published in a fictional story in a clearly trying to purport the existence of the double standard. In other circles, this type of twisting of fictional stories and framing of arguments around them is known as “propaganda.”

  • Kimberly

    I’m unsure how this work in reverse…what happens to Diane who initially touched Jack without his consent? Shouldn’t she be expelled too?

    • max_hedroom

      No. The rules only work one way. Like VAWA, the law sees men=aggressor and women=victim. Even though studies like the CDC intimate partner violence survey show women and men running about equal as aggressors. And 75% of intimate violence is initiated by women, but they are rarely the ones who are punished.

  • yoko

    as a woman, i only ever feel comfortable having sex after a few drinks. i loosens me up and help the act not hurt so much.

  • max_hedroom

    Rape is an act of anger performed by sociopaths, who make up a very small percentage of the population. The “rape culture” is a fraud to perpetuate the myth that women are the default victims and need perpetual unfair advantage and support. The have to justify the pointless billions that are poured into women’s programs somehow.

    • Steven

      that was possibly the dumbest thing I have read all day. Well done.

  • JG

    The primary outcome of this will be hoards of young men having their lives ruined for nothing.

    The secondary outcome will be the full, total and complete delegitimization of all rape acquisitions. “Oh, that woman is lying, they all do, remember Mike at xzy”?

  • edtastic

    People need to show some moral courage and start blaming feminism and feminists for moral panic they have induced.