Chatter: 5 Stupid Questions for ... Mrs. Claus

For the past decade, Croydon’s Diana Trolli has played Mrs. C. each holiday season alongside her husband, Nicholas (duh!), who just happens to be president of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas. (Yes, they really do exist.) We wanted to find out what it’s like to play second chair to the world’s most beloved fat man.

By Victor Fiorillo

What exactly does Mrs. Claus do?

I make sure the kids’ hands are clean so they don’t get the suit dirty, keep them calm and primmed for pictures, and see if anyone has to go to the bathroom.

Does Santa get urinated on a lot?

He’s never had a kid pee on him in 21 years. It’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen. The suit is expensive.

What do you say to feminists who’d argue you’re perpetuating the sexist myth that the man is always in charge?

That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m happy to be behind the scenes and let him do his thing.

What about the beard?

I don’t like it. The beard gets in the way.

Gets in the way? You mean, like, in sex? Ewww! Are you telling me that Mr. and Mrs. Claus still get it on?

Uh, I don’t wish to comment on that. That’s not something to talk about with Santa Claus.