Trend: Pretty Babies

Helping out your kid whose ­cosmetic/semi-medical problem is causing low self-esteem is respectable, as is spending time with her in ways other than loading up the shopping cart with mini-me Juicy. But somewhere along the line — well, the line gets crossed. We slip down the slope, and we’re back to seeing eight-year-olds waxing nothing but, um, skin, 10-year-olds requesting certain therapists for their Saturday-afternoon massages, and ­early-onset Botox.

“I do think, in some ways, this started as mothers and daughters spending time together, maybe getting their nails ­painted — but then it morphed into something else,” Hillman says. “A lot of times, these girls’ mothers have unresolved issues of their own — even perhaps an unresolved eating disorder — and are taking control over making some aspect of their daughter perfect. And then these issues transcend.” As beauty treatments become a habit, kids start to think this magazine-cover ideal is normal — and so is being pampered all the time. “Now, kids are asking for this stuff. It’s like a way of coping, an external support system,” Hillman says. “And it’s a huge problem.”

The Phoenix’s Keating, who sees nine-year-olds in her spa on a regular basis, says she’d refuse any spa-going request by her own nine-year-old daughter, save for nail-painting as a treat. Klein takes her almost-12-year-old daughter into spas for the occasional cleansing facial (“Good skin care is a habit, and I’d like her to learn that habit early”), but draws the line at other spa services (mommy-daughter manis excluded). “She has her whole life to do what she wants,” she says. “I want her to make those decisions about her body for herself, when she’s an adult. Plus, I know so many girls who go into debt in college trying to keep up with all of this — the spa treatments, the nice clothes. They feel like all this superficial B.S. is so important.”

And it’s not just an expensive spa habit young women are learning at the hands of their moms, Hillman says. “When you’re under the age of 16, change implies that something is wrong,” she says. “So you have to be very careful about the message you send to your kids. They need acceptance to build confidence, and when you’re bringing them in at a young age — ­especially when it comes to the bikini wax — you’re telling them that part of their pubescent bodies shouldn’t be there. And they think what mommy teaches is right.”

I remember something else. I was a senior in high school, writing papers for a string of AP classes, held hostage by the computer for so long that my shoulders and neck cramped, creating a constant, throbbing headache. My mom scheduled a series of intensive massages for me, in which the therapist both loosened my muscles and taught me ways to combat the grapefruit-sized knots, making writing my 1,500 words on FDR’s New Deal (virtually) painless. Until then, I had viewed ­massages as something only ­middle-aged people got, as a treat, to relax, to be pampered. But when my mom booked me, it wasn’t a treat; it was a lifesaver. And it made her a good mother. (Thanks, Mom!)

Which makes me hope there are other good moms who have found the happy medium. Maybe gentle facials for (emotionally and physically) scarring acne are a good idea. Maybe mini-mani birthday parties are just fun. Maybe moms can figure out a way to keep the bonding, and lose the creepy but-she’s-just-a-baby part. But for now, there’s backtracking to do if we want this happy medium to be the norm, not the exception. Consider Tannenbaum’s regular client at OMG, the one who schedules two blowouts per week — one for her, one for her six-year-old. “Oh, I don’t think it’s a treat,” he says. “This kid expects it. She expects her blowout.”

E-mail: cdenny@phillymag.com