The New Rules for Love, Sex and Marriage

Does flirting lead to an affair? Should you tell your friend you saw her husband out with someone else? And other questions answered.

And round it goes. When I tell another friend about the splinter incident, she doesn’t get it, either. But in a different way. “Haven’t they been together long enough for him to know that having that girl pull out the splinter was going to cross his wife’s line?” she asks.

I think about that for a minute. It sounds very rational. Couples probably should discuss lines. My husband, for example, knows it’s okay to check out hot girls we see at the Shore, because I tell him so. In fact, I point the cutest girls out to him, because I don’t want him to miss anything good. And for his part, he knows that our friend Danny often feels me up when we visit him. Granted, Danny is gay, and my husband knows that, but we both agree there’s no line-crossing going on there. I decide we’re very evolved.

Trouble is, we’ve never had a conversation about whether or not it’s okay to go to a massage parlor for a happy ending. And we’ve certainly never determined what constitutes the crossing of a line when you’re drunk and flirting at a bar with a person who is touching you, skin on skin. Those lines are different for everyone. Mine is planning to cheat; Jessica’s is, apparently, splinters. But lines generally don’t get discussed until they’re crossed. And by then, we’re on the other side, looking behind us for the line, but we can’t even see it anymore.


The next time I’m with Jessica, we are standing in my kitchen, talking about Hot Township Guy. Because there is a hot township guy, who looks like that guy from Grimm mashed up with some Tom Cruise circa Risky Business. We love everything about Hot Township Guy, a.k.a HTG. We text each other every time we see a white township truck being driven by HTG, which I had done that very morning, when I walked home from dropping off the kids at school and, out of nowhere, a man swooped in to remove an empty garbage can from my path on the sidewalk.

“It was HTG,” I say, just as my husband walks in the room. Jessica immediately stops talking. I do not. “He saved the day and then gave me a big HTG smile. I think I swooned a little.”

Jessica opens her eyes wide like a signal: Do you not see your husband? In this room? Right now?

“Oh,” I say. “He doesn’t care. Thad, we’re talking about Hot Township Guy. You’re okay with that? Right?” While we’ve never had a conversation about whether my love for HTG crosses any of Thad’s lines, I feel confident that we’re on the same side.

“Do I have a choice?” Thad asks as he walks downstairs to the laundry room. I turn back to Jessica, hold my hands out in front of me, shrug.

“See?”

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  • Mike

    I am glad this article was brought to my attention and apparently nobody reads this magazine but I will add my two sense to the Haddon Township person that cowardly signs off as admin. The person that was at the bar brewers that was supposedly talking and flirting with two lesbians shockingly drunk at 2 am at a bar didn’t give a shit if you saw him. It seems the writer of this article has absolutely no clue about men so I will help her out. A guy that goes out in his own town and acts a fool but leaves his cell phone out with no code for his wife of three not two to see whenever she would like is not the guy you have to worry about. It’s the guy who’s wife thinks going to Dave Wilson’s and gets a haircut and back massage with huge windows is a whorehouse is generally the guy that is out cheating. The reason this is is that this woman is so concerned and obsessed with everyone else’s life her life has to be so incredibly boring. I understand that I stick out being 6’7″ but had absolutely no clue you would be this interested. What I find interesting is that you have no clue how reckless your stupid article could be…thank god I married an intelligent woman that knows her husband and can make intelligent decisions on her own instead of asking people to write overall incredibly boring article unless of course you were in the subject line. Next time you write an article stop over I will give you a quote. The past thing the reason you should have kept your big mouth shut at the soccer field was because my sister who also lives here over heard two incredibly stupid people running their mouth reckless. Amazingly the same cowardly person that wrote this article did not confront me or my wife when we showed up a short time after. I can say with 100% confidence that the guy that was at Brewer’s wife knows about incident and could care less. The insecure person that wrote this article has a hard time relating to a woman that is beautiful, smart and has enough confidence to handle a guy like that…what would you expect from a woman that signs off as admin?

    • Ckm

      She’s clearly a loser. And I guarantee her husband is cheating on her. I would if I were him!!!
      Pathetic. Get a job lady…

      • Mike

        Yikes…thanks for the backup. I can’t believe I am just getting wind of this…really funny shit. I remember getting this attention in college. Yes the stupid guy went to college…I kind of like it…mind as well give em something to talk about…AM has been laughing since I showed her this…she thinks its hilarious how dumb people are…she is a huge nerd that snoops around everything. I would have to be a CIA agent to get away with shit. I don’t like the accusation that someone is cheating though…not cool and look what else this poor guy has to deal with…I actually feel sorry for him….

  • Mike

    Philadelphia Magazine – I understand the magazine business is struggling and your budget is extremely tight but please have an editor that actually proofs the articles. Please do not give this lady a platform to voice her nonsense beyond the 4 Haddon Twp friends she may have and had her whole life. It is completely obvious that either no one reads this shit or people read it and think its garbage. You can put anything on the Internet and get at least a few comments. This trash was written almost 3 months ago and nobody even cares. To the completely out of touch and desperate author try to come up with a topic that people care about politics, religion, Kim kardashian. I enjoy that you are writing about me but we need people to read your shit and care enough to comment. From the flattered subject of your story…

  • TK

    This article makes me feel bad for the author. It doesn’t make the husband at the bar look bad. It shows how small town women are caddy, gossip and start trouble. Their gossip is more of an issue than a man having someone rub his back. Seriously, that’s gossip/rumor worthy?? There’s nothing else to talk about? And really the hypocrisy, he’s horrible because it’s the same town but the friends in AC are okay? Who is this author to set her guidelines of right and wrong on everyone else and then blab her mouth about others! He’s a pig? Really? How judgmental can you be? You knew nothing about the guy or the woman and ran your mouth. I’m still shocked that this left such an impact that it warranted a ridiculous article. So be on your best behavior, I certainly wouldn’t want you to be a victim of dramatized gossip!

  • Mike

    I finally put two and two together and found out Vicki the author…not sure who the hot guy that picks up the trash but I have to be careful I may be involved in another story…”how do you know your husband is not gay” I walked by the playgrounds and saw this guy talking to the “hot Haddon township” trash guy and thought to myself “should I tell his wife that he is soooo gay…if I wasn’t so used to this nonsense behavior I think I would be more upset…it’s almost typical. I am never surprised on how truly unhappy people really are…by the way I am lucky these women saw me on a calm night…you guys know I party pretty hard…Lol.

    • Ckm

      Hysterical!!! I told my friend about this story at work and she said the author was probably jealous she wasn’t the one rubbing this clearly hot Kardashian worthy guy!!!

  • Jay

    As far as I can tell, people in town read this broad’s articles in the same way people watch Jersey Shore, Keeping…Kardashians and read GLOBE magazine. Most know that reality shows are scripted and, good chance, there’s no woman birthing a 52lb donkey baby….but it’s mindless bullshit that serves as nothing but a distraction.
    Every time I read this article I come away with the same thought….Why is this “htg” the only one to get the benefit of the doubt in this? Everyone else gets shit on, including the author’s husband, while this, alleged, hot township guy is made out to be some chivalrous hero. As Brewer Mike said, it’s not the guys out in the open you have to worry about. I bet this trash guy moves trash cans for all the townies. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was takin care of recycling buckets too…sounds like a dick. And why is a public worker out smiling at people? Every day I pull my car out of the driveway at 7am and park on top of the leaves that I rake under my kids’ basketball net. When I move my car at 3pm the leaves are still there! I pay taxes! Those are my tax dollars beeing wasted on his salary as he’s out moving things for people all willy-nilly.