Loco Parentis: Living Large

By Sandy Hingston

Page 5 of 5

The funny thing is, I loved the guess-your-weight man. Every summer, I couldn’t wait to hand him my quarter. Because the guess-your-weight man always, always guessed that I weighed less than I did. Whether the guy was just lousy at his job or felt pity for a miserable fat girl, I’ll never know. But when the scale rang up 12 or 15 pounds more than his guess, just for that moment, I was proud of my size.

Football is Jake’s guess-your-weight man. For now, he’s delighted with his listing in the program — biggest on the team! He pays in suicide runs and bench-lifts and bruising tackles for this respite from a fat-loathing world. Who knows how long it will last? Through college, if he’s lucky. More than two minutes on the Wildwood Boardwalk, at least. Thirty, 40 years from now, he’ll be able to look back on a time when his massiveness was a plus, a blessing, cause for celebration. It’s something Marcy never will be able to do.

I hope she has sons someday. I hope they’re big, too. I hope she gets the chance to revel in what otherwise has been a curse for her. It doesn’t make up for society’s scorn, not completely. But it’s oddly, beautifully empowering, just the same.

Originally published in Philadelphia magazine, March 2008

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And you're a PARENT? You have GOT to be kidding me
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 2:43 PM

COMMENT:

"I was impressed by her self-control — until her hair began to fall out in clumps." This is the problem right here in a nutshell. You want your daughter to be healthy, but she LOOKS BETTER TO YOU SICK?!?!? First of all, lady, you have drunk waaaay too much of the cultural Kool Aid without even thinking about what you're imbibing. Second, if your daughter ends up hating you, you have only yourself to blame. But I can't escape a sneaking feeling that somehow you already know that.

Well...
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 2:47 PM

COMMENT:

"It’s something Marcy never will be able to do." Well, certainly not as long as her mother -- that would be the author -- keeps investing her with her own self-hatred, no. Marcy will never be able to do that.

Difficult psychological truths
Posted by T | Feb. 29, 2008 at 3:10 PM

COMMENT:

In response to the previous poster, there’s a famous feminist saying: “It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.” It seems to fit pretty well here. I think this is a moving article.

you're sick
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 4:50 PM

COMMENT:

I feel bad for your daughter. what on earth is wrong with you? get help.

unbelievable
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 9:02 PM

COMMENT:

"damn she sure looked good when she was thin. except her hair." is this supposed to be breezy humor? it is heartbreaking. if the author recognizes the lasting pain of her father's degrading comments about her own weight, she should have the self-awareness to not victimize her sick daughter. I hope her daughter can rise above her mother's contemptible shallowness masquerading as concern. Recovering from an eating disorder with that lack of support takes so much inner strength. When my sister was strugggling with anorexia my family were not thinking of how great she looked. We were looking into her haunted eyes of someone taken over by self-imposed restrictions and doing anything we could to help her recover and become a vibrant person again. The attitudes of this author are shameful. Therapy is in order here.

I should add
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 9:23 PM

COMMENT:

...that I undertand and agree with the author's observation that there is a double standard saying heavy men are often respected/seen as "real men" while heavy women are subjected to much discrimination. However, people with eating disorders are never happy or fulfilled. The fact that the daughtrer is recovering for eating disorder, even if that means she isn't "kate moss thin" anymore, is a sign that her daughter has a chance to be well-adjusted again. The way to empower ones daughter is not to mirror society's obsession with weight but to focus on other qualities. To tell yourself that the only way your daughter will experience any personal liberation is to sire big-boned male children is regressive and passive. good grief.

I should add
Posted by Anonymous | Feb. 29, 2008 at 9:32 PM

COMMENT:

...that I undertand and agree with the author's observation that there is a double standard saying heavy men are often respected/seen as "real men" while heavy women are subjected to much discrimination. The many t.v. shows/films depicting "slobbish" overweight macho men with tiny, fawning wives is one depiction of that. However, people with eating disorders are never happy or fulfilled. The fact that the daughtrer is recovering for eating disorder, even if that means she isn't "kate moss thin" anymore, is a sign that her daughter has a chance to be well-adjusted again. The way to empower ones daughter is not to mirror society's obsession with weight but to focus on other qualities. To tell yourself that the only way your daughter will experience any personal liberation is to sire big-boned male children is regressive and passive.

my mouth hit the floor
Posted by Anonymous | Mar. 5, 2008 at 9:40 AM

COMMENT:

Yes, there is a double standard for men and women. But as someone in recovery from an eating disorder when I read "but Damn she looked good, except the hair" my mouth hit the floor. No matter how long your daughter has been recovered (and I do hope she is healthy and well) how can you possibly say something like that, knowing what she went through? And hoping that your daughter has an overweight son so she can take pleasure in their size is plain twisted. I know parents don't cause their children's eating disordrs but I wouldn't be surprised if you negatively influenced your daughter's feelings about food and body image. If you haven't already, I'd talk to your daughter about how reading your article made her feel.