Custom Weekends: Never Leave Your "Room"

“This place is insane!” my sister Hilary said for the 50th time on our second day at St. Lucia’s Jade Mountain resort. She was paddling backwards in the 600-square-foot private infinity pool that lapped against the living room sofa where I was sunbathing and taking in the panorama of ocean and the island’s famed Piton peaks. Of course, since our room, like each of the 23 others at the resort, was open on one side to the sun, ocean and green mountains, I could also have been taking in the view from the bed, chaise lounges, bathtub (big enough for two), shower, or said infinity pool itself, bejeweled with custom-made glass tiles to match the interior decor.

The only thing more insane than the room was that I was there with Hilary. Let me level with you: Jade Mountain is made for sex. The newest addition to the legendary Anse Chastenet brand, the resort provides sun, shade, water, food — hello, room service! — a bed draped with gauzy netting, and zero reason to leave your entirely private indoor-outdoor abode. Ever. The general manager, bemused to find us there for a girls’ weekend, told us that the resort’s in-suite record, held by recent honeymooners, was four days. But you should head out — a little — to admire the sensuous curves of owner/architect Nick Troubetzkoy’s vision of paradise: a sort of Getty Museum meets Star Wars. (On starry nights, I half expected hover craft to zoom along the long bridges that lead to each suite’s louvered wooden door.) You can visit the “celestial terrace” for a sunrise yoga class and 360-degree views of the ocean, head to the beach to snorkel, or, since each room is different, talk your neighbors into showing you theirs.