Desperate Housewives: The Reinvention of the Main Line Mom

Interior designer? Closet organizer? Publicist? Party planner? The truth about Philly’s new career women

Even for those with actual talent and taste and, in Seidman’s case, the coursework to back it up, there’s all kinds of trouble brewing when your success relies on the kindness of friends. And as for the others—the ones just pretending?

For them, it can all go very, very wrong.

BUT FIRST, A WORD about the women who are getting it right.

For a long time, Corinn Rocker was being a nice friend. A very nice friend.

We all know a Corinn Rocker. She’s the mom whose effortless creativity and well-behaved children have everyone asking, “How does she do it?” (And secretly thinking: Haaaate her.) But what everyone really wanted was to throw a birthday party like she did. Around Lower Merion, the celebrations for the Rocker kids, now six and two, had become the stuff of legend. Predictably, Rocker began getting calls: “How did you think of that?” “Where can I get that?” “Can you help me with my birthday party/baby shower/bar mitzvah?”

So she did. Out of the kindness of her heart, and because she loves planning parties. A workaholic in her pre-kid life, when she traveled all over the country as a sales manager, she didn’t think twice about spending her Saturdays “working” at someone else’s house, with someone else’s kids, tying grosgrain around someone else’s party favors. But then friends of friends started calling. “It’s a boundary nightmare,” says Linda Abrams, a psychologist with Philly’s Council for Relationships. “What’s the expectation then? When do you start asking to be paid? And how does asking reflect on the original friendship?”

Or your marriage? Rocker’s husband saw the writing on the sheet cake and decided something had to be done.

“You can keep doing what you’re doing, exhausting yourself, spending so much time away from us, not getting a reward other than, ‘Wow,’” he told her. “Or you can make it something real.” And by “something real,” he meant “something you get paid for.” So in July 2010, Rocker launched Corley Designs. Since then, she and her partner/sister have done at least 50 events. (The one where the pint-size guests got monogrammed aprons and cookie favors in boxes fashioned to look like teeny-tiny stoves? That was theirs.) This September, they had two or three parties booked every Saturday and Sunday. “When I decided to make this a go, I was going to be 100 percent or not do it at all,” Rocker says. “I wasn’t going to half-ass an event, especially not for a friend.”

Because even if you’re adept at what you’ve reinvented yourself into, like Seidman and Rocker, taking money from your friends is another sort of boundary nightmare. The trouble is, they’re friends. And relationships can end up exploding over unpaid invoices or too-sweet buttercream.

“That pressure stinks,” says Deborah Lamprey, who opened the gluten-free (and Best-of-Philly-winning) Main Line Baking Co. last year, after relearning to bake for her allergic kids. To start with, her success came with an unexpected price—the realization that owning a bakery meant being there all the time. (Her kids started asking if she would please “get fired.”) “I had this image that owning a bakery was just going to be ‘really sweet.’ I figured out quick that there’s a big difference between your fantasy world and the real world,” Lamprey says. Especially when you open up shop in the middle of your “real world”—right in your Wynnewood neighborhood, where the people you sell cakes to are also the people you drink Stella with at the annual block party.

“I see neighbors walk in to pick up a cake and I think, ‘This was for you?’” she says. “‘You should have told me on the phone it was for you! I don’t know if I would have done anything differently, but I definitely would have lost more sleep over it!’”

It’s a relief that people, including her neighbors, dig Lamprey’s goods. Because her goods are, in fact, good. She’s legit. Lamprey is what she says she is.

The trouble really starts with the women who aren’t. For every Corinn Rocker, there’s a Jane Off-Her-Rocker, a delusional Main Line mom who thinks that just because she can match napkins and place mats she should hang out a shingle, call herself a designer, and infuse her friends’ homes with her “vision.” And that’s when the Reinvention of the Main Line Mom gets downright ugly—for the women who don’t have a clue, and for the women who legitimately do, but get painted by association with the same “Oh, she doesn’t know what she’s doing” brush. And then there are those poor mutual acquaintances, left desperately trying to figure out a very basic question: “Whom can I trust?”

The apotheosis of all of this comes when someone like the “make-believe” publicist actually lands a client and then realizes: Oh my God, what now? So she calls her friend—the working-in-the-field-for-20-years polished PR rep with dozens of notable clients—for help.

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  • jason

    The fact that people pretend to be in PR is very, very annoying. PR is much more than throwing events — it includes media relations, content marketing, strategic partnerships and even analyzing the competition.

    Nothing wrong with being an event planner, but just don’t masquerade as a strategic marketing professional when you’re clearly not!

  • Maria

    The true question (unanswered) in this article is…are the housewives reinventing their careers because they are desperate for something meaningful or because they desperately want to reinvent themselves?
    Being satisfied in the mind, body and soul is an excellent path to pursue in life. Whether achieving this through yoga, tennis or any career is not anyones place to judge. Anything in life that is pursued with passion and a pure heart is admirable, business card or no business card.
    It seems as if raising your kids as moral, responsible people who contribute to society in a meaningful way is devalued in this article. Let’s pray for our future then.
    I do have the time to practice yoga, play tennis and go to whole foods more then once a week and I AM NEVER BORED.
    Just because people blog and facebook information it does not make them an expert on anything. No more then I am an expert on parenting because I have kids.
    Excellent taste is a matter of opinion and just because you live on the Main Line..doesn’t mean you have it!

  • mainline

    Is this girl serious, she needs a life or to create a life because she clearly is missing something. What happened to the PR then the mom and can’t hang in the a hot yoga room or a tennis court. How is your backhand???

  • Meliss

    “WHEN JAPS ATTACK!”

  • Alla

    Here’s what we have learned from Philly Mag over the years. Women who choose a career over family are selfish. They pawn off their children to nannies-or G-d forbid they let them run amok. Women who quit their jobs and stay home only care about nice clothes, the best new handbags and staying skinny. And now its time to bash and disseminate a new group of women. Those who give up professional careers to raise children and want to go back into the work force. Perhaps we cannot go back to our 100 hour/week jobs so we reinvent ourselves and try to find a new profession. Some may do it for the money, some for a hobby or perhaps to create some balance in our lives. Instead of portraying these women in a positive light our author chooses to throw out 3 pages if digs, insults and back handed comments. Aren’t you tired of being so cynical and judgmental? We are damned if we work hard, damned if we don’t work at all and still damned if we do both. Whose side are you on?

  • amy

    I have grown up in this area — there is a culture and there are players, none of which have changed much over the years. I think that this article touches a nerve because of its ring of truth . . . believe me when I tell you that this is exactly what is going on around here. If you are not from this area, it will seem mean-spirited, but frankly the Main Line has done nothing over the years but reinforce all of the mean girl high school behavior. So many women around here think that they are Holier Than Thou and gain their significance from having rich husbands, rich fathers and club memberships, while doing nothing meaningful for society (not even raising their kids beyond hiring the live-in nanny). It’s time that someone called them out on it.

  • Bob

    This is article is offensive. Waahhhh, Michelle, Waahhhh! God, how awful it would be for you to have to play tennis and do yogo and go to whole foods everyday!? Get over yourself. People are defaulting on their mortgages and losing their houses and you’re upset you have to play tennis everyday? You disgust me.

  • Anonymous

    So let’s get this straight Michele you need something to do with your time. Do you really think it makes sense taking shots at all of your friends around you and a community of people. Is it so bad as a woman who is married to a husband in the professinal community to be a stay at home mom, and help better our children future??? Most of us are quite educated with college degree, do you have one??? As a Mom who stays home and does drop her children off in the morning I do have time until I need to pick them up I play tennis, workout, run, go to the gym, practice yoga and yes run to Whole Foods to provide a healty life for my Family. It is truely a blessing when one of our takes shots and judges, but wait aren’t you really from South Philly pretending to live on the Mainline!!!!

  • Mainline

    Michelle for years you have been quoted in Philly Mag either using your name or on an anonymous basis, but we all knew it was you. Isn’t it about time you stop talking about all of the women around you and start thinking about what is truly important. Things like family, friends, community, and the ones that are less forunate. In light of the PSU sex scandal do you think it is more important to go find a trunk in Chestnut Hill or be there to care for and protect our children? So that being said girls keep the comments coming and roll out your yoga mat, put on your sneakers, or go to the gym let’s stick together and meet at Whole Foods for Lunch. Girls, we know what is truly important our Children !!!!

  • Margie

    very insightful, pretty true. But what’s someone to do really? When you give up your career to stay home, you’ve got to get back in the game somehow.

  • Public Relations

    A little damage control do I hear!!!

  • Jen

    Ladies,
    Let’s try to get it together. It’s all important. Our children, our relationships with our spouses and friends, our self worth, our contributions to society-all of it. Everybody’s version of accomplishment is going to be different. Everyone finds fulfillment in different ways. Please, let’s not trash each other’s journeys. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. And philly mag, stop printing this unnecessary garbage. This is an article the author didn’t need to write, MIchelle didn’t need to contribute to, or any of the other “career critics” who chimed in. I am a busy professional, a wife and a mother. I struggle with trying to be all three. I admire the other ladies out there for doing what they do well, and I am the last to criticize, because I know at least for me, it’s impossible to get it all right. A mentor of mine told me that I can have it all, I just can’t have it all at once. But I admire those others for trying. I admire people pursuing their dreams, whatever those dreams may be. The only guaranteed failure…

  • Bella

    Philly Mag: dumb subject for an article. Not even entertaining honestly. Empty and pointless. However, these comments are mean spirited and just as pointless. With everything going on in the world and in our city, why berate someone for trying to open a new chapter in her life? Was the Whole Foods comment really that hurtful and insulting that we must attack another mom’s education, background etc? She may not have thought it through before saying it, but it certainly wasn’t attacking character like most of you have done here. Get a grip and focus on what matters most in life. Being a good person, giving back and setting positive examples for your children.

  • Nancy

    Dont shoot the messenger.. It was just an article; lets face it, it’s reality! The Main Line is just an example of various places this is happening today. All the negative comments are a bit personal. Therefore, I suggest, if negative responders have an “axe to grind” with Michelle, don’t use the article as your outlet. Those who feel the need to respond with such crude words show their jealousy, and highlight their lack of knowledge to the amazing person she is, and has always been. She is a hard worker, great wife, mother, and a true friend. It takes a true woman to write an article that can be published, and to live in an area where beings are criticized for their choice of living.

  • Nancy

    Dont shoot the messenger.. It was just an article; lets face it, it’s reality! The Main Line is just an example of various places this is happening today. All the negative comments are a bit personal. Therefore, I suggest, if negative responders have an “axe to grind” with Michelle, don’t use the article as your outlet. Those who feel the need to respond with such crude words show their jealousy, and highlight their lack of knowledge to the amazing person she is, and has always been. She is a hard worker, great wife, mother, and a true friend. It takes a true woman to write an article that can be published, and to live in an area where beings are criticized for their choice of living.

  • Nancy

    Dont shoot the messenger.. It was just an article; lets face it, it’s reality! The Main Line is just an example of various places this is happening today. All the negative comments are a bit personal. Therefore, I suggest, if negative responders have an “axe to grind” with Michelle, don’t use the article as your outlet. Those who feel the need to respond with such crude words show their jealousy, and highlight their lack of knowledge to the amazing person she is, and has always been. She is a hard worker, great wife, mother, and a true friend. It takes a true woman to write an article that can be published, and to live in an area where beings are criticized for their choice of living.

  • Nancy

    Dont shoot the messenger.. It was just an article; lets face it, it’s reality! The Main Line is just an example of various places this is happening today. All the negative comments are a bit personal. Therefore, I suggest, if negative responders have an “axe to grind” with Michelle, don’t use the article as your outlet. Those who feel the need to respond with such crude words show their jealousy, and highlight their lack of knowledge to the amazing person she is, and has always been. She is a hard worker, great wife, mother, and a true friend. It takes a true woman to write an article that can be published, and to live in an area where beings are criticized for their choice of living.

  • Nancy

    Dont shoot the messenger.. It was just an article; lets face it, it’s reality! The Main Line is just an example of various places this is happening today. All the negative comments are a bit personal. Therefore, I suggest, if negative responders have an “axe to grind” with Michelle, don’t use the article as your outlet. Those who feel the need to respond with such crude words show their jealousy, and highlight their lack of knowledge to the amazing person she is, and has always been. She is a hard worker, great wife, mother, and a true friend. It takes a true woman to write an article that can be published, and to live in an area where beings are criticized for their choice of living.

  • Jon

    At best, posting menacing feedback, including remarks about someone’s age, educational and demographic background is a bad example to set. At worst it is anonymous cyber-bullying. –Jon Hoffman

  • Anonymous

    If you have the guts to be quoted by a magazine on multiple occasions and hold yourself out as an expert. Then you have to realize the ramifications that can occur. The actual irony of all of these posts is that this is exactly what these types of articles are set out to accomplish quote someone saying something outlandish and draw internet traffic to the website. Goal complete!!! The sad part of this story is that people don’t like to be judged for their choices and just like Michelle made a choice to be quoted sometimes using her name and sometimes not using her name ( push presents and bad behavior at country clubs by children at birthday parties)she made a mockery of a segment of woman who made the choice to stay home. As I sometimes sit in my yoga class with other moms,I listen to the instructor talk about being nice, not to use negative energy, and thank god for what you have in life. Seeing my life quoted in a magazine and to be made fun of does give me the choice to post a comment using my name or not using…

  • Anonymous

    my name. All I ask is that everyone just get a long and remember it is always easier to be nice the mean spitited. We all should remember that thinkinh first before we speak or write something always helps. Ashton Kutcher found that to be a reality tweeting about Penn State and not even knowing the real story. We should find the the good in people and not talk or gossip about the bad in people. We all strive to be perfect but we are all not. As a community we should take this as a lesson and forgive and forget and show the love in one another. Namaste “I honor the place in you which is of love, truth, light, and peace” “I recognize that we are all equal” Show love not hate and make peace, I am out peeps!!!

  • maria

    If you truly think the comments are cyber bullying then you just labeled the very person you are trying to defend as a bully…because her comments in the article are no different…she just made the mistake of using her name.

    Let’s not throw a buzz word around like cyber bullying because this is not a dedicated website to criticize or harm Michelle Seidman. This is the COMMENT section of an article she agreed to be the subject in and agreed to be quoted. She probably even pitched the idea herself. If she has a background in PR she knew exactly what the ramifications would be from her menacing comments.

  • Judy

    I just read this story, and these comments, and I’m not getting what it is that Michele Seidman was quoted as saying that was so offensive. She didn’t say anything about anyone except herself, and how SHE was feeling, which was why SHE started doing design or whatever. She isn’t critical of anyone, except maybe herself. Many of these comments, though, are far, far, far more offensive and personal, attacking her directly. I just don’t get it. Seems like this piece hit a nerve with someone she knows and that person is using this comment section as a way to grind an ax. It’s very strange.

  • maureen

    Can’t all relate? All women, especially all mothers? regardless of where we live or how munch money we have? Everyone is searching for something that makes them feel good about how they are living their lives. For women this is so much harder- feeling guilty if I’m not at home with the kids, guilty if I’m not working- god forbid you take time for yourself and get a mani pedi! I don’t think Michelle said anything wrong? She seems like a smart successful business woman and a great mom. Don’t we want to teach our kids that we can be/do whatever we set our minds to? Whatever makes us happy?