Addicted: The Dark Side of Gay Sex

Young, Gay and Unprotected

Adam, a “happily single” 27-year-old who lives in Bella Vista, kept it quiet when he was spending the majority of his days and nights in a Gayborhood bathhouse after overcoming alcohol addiction two years ago. “I was spending money I couldn’t afford for really shitty accommodations,” he says. “You’re basically paying for the privilege to contract all sorts of STDs.” Within the establishment’s cramped, plywood-wall-enclosed private rooms, he admits to engaging in unprotected sex on “sheets that may or may not have been washed and floors that were absolutely revolting, [covered in] semen, spit, lubricant and used condoms”—a strange accommodation for someone who calls himself a germophobe. “It was gross,” he says. “I felt devalued.”

Today, Adam’s trick-finding mode of choice is Grindr. But while most gay men spend an average of 90 minutes using the app each day, he says it’s rare when he’s not on it for at least four solid hours. “Grindr feeds into this obsessive-compulsive part of me,” he says. “It’s made it so easy, this cute little … ‘gay friend finder.’”

From a professional standpoint, Falango believes that GPS apps like Grindr have fueled the fire for those struggling with compulsive sexual disorders. “There are no statistics that say sex addiction is more prominent since the coming of [technology], but my hunch is that it probably is, because it’s so much more readily available,” he says. “Evolution did not design our brains to see 3,000 cocks a day. If you keep getting that stimulus, there’s gonna come a point when you’re going to want to do something about it.”

Since 2010, Adam has had gonorrhea and chlamydia (each resulting from a hookup at the bathhouse), and he recently found out he’s HIV-positive. He also says some of his sexual encounters have developed into potentially dangerous confrontations, the worst being the time he invited a crystal meth addict into his home. For now, though, he’s on the fence about labeling his escapades as addiction. “[Hooking up] makes me feel good about myself,” he says. “I would much rather people think I was a drunk than a sex addict. It’s much more socially acceptable.”